


Joshua Tree + Playlist

by Tlikesprettythings



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Jack is Back, Music, Not Beta Read, Road Trips, Swearing, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Vacation, thought dissection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tlikesprettythings/pseuds/Tlikesprettythings
Summary: He didn’t hear her coming but saw her shapely bronze legs standing in front of him dressed in khaki shorts and a black singlet one hand holding a backpack and the other on her hip. It was definitely early for her to be up, especially on an off day.He raised an eyebrow at her, “what’s up Riles?”“Get up, we’re going on a trip.” She simply said swinging the backpack at his feet.“What?” he was confused by the situation unfolding in front of him, maybe he was dreaming?She turned to walk back into the house, “You heard me Macgyver, get your ass in the car in 5!”
Relationships: Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 78
Kudos: 228





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty new to Macriley ship, like not even week-old kind of new. So I've been binging Macgyver and I couldn't help myself so here is the product of obsession. 
> 
> This fic was inspired by music that I thought fit the general tone of this story, so I decided to make a Spotify playlist linked(https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0bzKMUTJXHhlxZzXcsPAhD?si=t8XDngwsQ7uZCFxK4QQS9A) Joshua Tree Playlist hence the name. Now of course you guys don’t have to listen to it, I know we all have different preferences, but I would recommend listening to the last song by Dylan Schneider "Wannabe" so you get the full context of what I was trying to write. I also mention the songs that I recommend listening to. 
> 
> As the chapters continue I will continue to add to the Spotify playlist.
> 
> Usual disclaimers, don't own anything. 
> 
> Well anyways Enjoy and do let me know what you think and if I should continue!

Mac sat on the deck after his run, another sleepless night. The nightmares felt more and more real each day. Looking out on the early morning LA skyline he felt like a stranger in his own life. There was so much anger in him that he didn’t know what to do with himself. The loss, the tragedy that was his life felt like a weight he couldn’t bear. He’d give anything to go back to that pressure chamber in Georgia again instead of this, at least things made sense then. He was spiraling, he was aware. Scrubbing his hands across his face he let another breath pass. He didn’t hear her coming but saw her shapely bronze legs standing in front of him dressed in khaki shorts and a black singlet one hand holding a backpack and the other on her hip. It was definitely early for her to be up, especially on an off day. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, “what’s up Riles?” 

“Get up, we’re going on a trip.” She simply said swinging the backpack at his feet. 

“What?” he was confused by the situation unfolding in front of him, maybe he was dreaming? 

She turned to walk back into the house, “You heard me Macgyver, get your ass in the car in 5!”

He stood up and swiped the backpack off the floor and chased after her. She was already in the truck sunglasses pulled down with her arm out of the window, fingers drumming against the door. “Riley.”

She nodded her head in the direction of the car, “come on, we haven’t got all day! Get in!”

He could have stood his ground but honestly, he was too tired to argue with her. So he threw his backpack in the back and got into the passenger seat. She started the car and connect her phone to the Bluetooth, a playlist called Joshua Tree Playlist that was curated by Riley Davis came on the on-screen deck. He discovered that Riley didn’t just listen to Beyonce, old school rap, and rock. Her music like her was multifaceted and ranged from what you’d expect to complete surprises. He even walked in on her listening to Harry Styles to which she had just shrugged and simply said _“I’m confident in myself to like what I like, besides watermelon sugar is a tune.”_ But currently, she quickly scrolled and threw on Mumm-ra’s “Summer” the indie rock song had a classic indie bass and guitar combo as the intro, she shimmed her shoulders to the music. He couldn’t help but actually crack a smile at her antics. 

Her head turned to him then as she bopped to the music and gave him that brilliant smile lipping the words to the song “I’m only happy in the summer...I’m only happy with you, lover...” She was like a prism, all clear but as soon the light hit her she was vibrant colors and sounds. “Now that’s more like the Mac I know. Nice to have you back for a second.” 

Her words hit him fully, leave it to Riley to bring him back down to earth. To notice that he was struggling. He didn’t know what to say, so he opted for the next best thing. “Are you going to tell me where this semi-voluntary kidnapping is going?”

“Hey, no kidnapping vibes here. We’re taking a couple of days and chilling out. Matty already approved it. We have four days to ourselves. So we’re going on a road trip! Next stop Joshua Tree.” She simply stated as she drove down the hill and towards I-10E.

He widened his eyes and gave his head a shake, letting loose a chuckle he threw up his hand and let them slap his highs. “Ok! I’ll bite.” the brilliance of her smile made him feel like he made the right choice, the breeze already warm blew in through the open windows, the loose strands from her bun floating around her face. 

“Yea! Bozer is going to meet up with us there, he has an errand to run before. Unfortunately, Desi can’t make it, she’s on a mission.” she said sparing him a glance.

He shifted in his seat if he were honest, he was now just looking forward to spending time with her and Boz. “Yea, probably for the best.”

She didn’t say anything waiting for him to continue if he wanted to. The great thing about Riley was she pushed when there was something worth pushing for but otherwise gave him space to talk to her on his own time. Without saying it, he could feel her body asking him if he and Desi were ok.

“I’m not sure I’m what she needs right now.” He simply stated and the unstated that he probably didn’t need their complicated and messy relationship right now either. They were too volatile and while that gave spark to great sex, it left everything else scorched and untouchable. It wasn’t fair for Desi to be stuck with him while he was stuck in his head.

He watched Riley shift in her seat, lately, he noticed there was a strange distance between them but then here she was stealing him away as the old Riley would. Maybe four days would give him the answers to why he felt like she was slipping away slowly, the thought put such a tight feeling in his throat, he couldn’t lose one more person. Especially not Riley, not his amazing, smart, loyal, _beautiful_ friend singing along to a cover of Billy Joel’s “Vienna”. Suddenly it was easy to smile again, it didn’t take all of his efforts. “Hey, did you pack my bag for me? Or am I gonna have to survive in these running clothes for four days?”

He didn’t think to change when she gave him 5 minutes to meet her at his truck.

“I got you, Mac, everything you need is in there boy! Why would I give you an empty backpack?” she tapped on with the music and threw him another smile. If the next few days were going to be filled with smiling Riley he was already glad she kidnapped him voluntarily.

“Did you go through my underwear and sock drawers?!” He asked narrowing his eyes and laughing as a soft blush spread across her cheeks, Riley Davis can be bashful what do you know. 

“I mean we’re all adults here, no need for this juvenile behavior. Yes, I packed your undies and socks.” He could see her rolling her eyes behind her sunglasses, but he was amused by the blush that graced her face. Mac always thought Riley was attractive, men and women constantly commented on her beauty. Her looks helped them with countless ops. He wasn’t blind, just looked past the obvious. She was his friend, Jack’s daughter, and a relationship he couldn’t sacrifice. But these moments when they’re alone and he could look at her and steal glances he saw just how gorgeous she was as a being. 

They had become closer the past couple of years for sure, he felt completely at ease with her. Could talk to her about anything, seek her counsel about things that were on his mind. She usually could read him already ready to jump into whatever stupid situations he got himself into. Even now he couldn’t believe that she followed him into Codex. She had told him she trusted him, and he felt like he could breathe just from those words. Knowing she stood with him gave him the strength to follow through. 

They stopped for coffee and bagels, laughing about the guy in front of them that took ages to order. They made fun of a couple of housewives of Beverly hills type and how Bozer would’ve recognized who they are. It was just easy his mind kept saying to him. When he pointed to a smidge of cream cheese in the corner of her mouth, she attempted to licked it away with her tongue, he couldn’t help but gulp down some of his iced coffee and watch her miss it. Reaching over he brushed the side of her lips and without thinking licked his thumb clean. She froze for a second and looked at him with an intensity that he couldn’t read. “You were struggling” he shrugged. 

“Thanks,” was all she said with an almost shy smile, unaware of course of how that small act sent fire all over her. She was thankful that she was on her last bite and he was already finished with his bagel, now casually leaning back in his chair letting the sun warm his face, his golden hair casting a halo around him. She needed to run away, “ready to start the journey again?”

Smiling he stood, they took their unfinished coffee and bottles of water with them. For the next 15 minutes, they joked about the new episodes of Rick and Morty, as more of her playlist played in the background, glancing at the screen he saw the current song was “Good Life” by Randell Kent. The lyrics washing over him as they finally pulled into the expressway. This could be a good life, at least it felt that way right now. 

They passed the next 15 minutes in silence, but it was the kind they had often where it was just comfortable. They didn’t feel the need to fill the void. They just listened to music and watched the road and let their minds wander.

She hummed along with the new song that came on, he never noticed that she had a pretty nice singing voice. “...don’t overthink it...just surround me...hmm” LÉON's "Surround Me" played in the car. He leaned against his window and watched her quietly. “Why don’t you take a nap, I know you didn’t sleep much last night. We’ve got another 2-hour drive ahead of us.” She finally says to him softly turning the music down a bit and rolling up the windows opting for the ac.

Of course, she noticed, it wasn’t a big secret that he had been spiraling out of control. He wasn’t sleeping or eating well, his mind obsessing over Codex. But now there was nothing but a jumbled mess of things and just pure grief and exhaustion left behind in the aftermath. Strangely enough, he actually felt ok enough to take her up on the offer, she made him feel safe. Knowing she was going to be here when he opened his eyes brought a feeling of comfort and peace he was struggling to have, it was like the darkness couldn’t get to him. “Yeah ok.”

He drifted and for the first time in a long time found sleep came quickly and a dreamless sleep took him over. No nightmares, just soft hum engulfed him. It was when he felt warm fingers on his cheek brushing back some hair did he open his eyes and came face to face with Riley’s hazel eyes and full lips. He blinked a few times to adjust to the light. “Hey,” she said softly. 

“Hey, are we here already?” He asked sitting up, it didn’t escape his mind that he didn’t mind that Riley was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes, it never did but he filed it away with any other thoughts that ever came into his mind about her that seemed more than friendly behavior. 

She stepped away from him and cleared her throat and nodded, “yea, we’re here. I’m glad you got some sleep” she smiled again. She was entranced with watching him sleep, she almost didn’t want to wake him, he was beautiful, soft and so vulnerable in this moment. She knew how much he was struggling, which made her predicament even more complicated. How could she tell him she would be moving out? Instead, her brilliant idea was to steal him away for a few days. She was playing with fire, but she also knew that as strong as he was, any more change might send him over the edge. She decided she’ll tell him about her move after this trip, but her priority will always be to protect him, her heart can deal with it. 

His own faced turned up, “yeah I guess I needed it, and who knew what I needed was you humming off-key to songs in the background to fall asleep.” She swallowed and told her heart to stop its stupid summersaults. 

“I’ll make you some tracks and make sure they’re extra off-key! I’ll be your white noise” she said quickly teasing back. 

“My very own ghost.” his eyes crinkling in the corners. This was the most she’s seen him smile in a while. 

Rolling her eyes and doing a mock laugh “careful or I will haunt your ass for real” to which she got full dimples, this was going to be four long days.

“Ok so I got us a house actually” she cheekily said pointing at the well-maintained terra cotta colored house they were parked in front of on top of a hill surrounded by sky and desert landscapes with cacti and boulders, the house faced the road below that brought them into town. The front porch had a couple of lounge chairs, a table for four, a couple of lanterns neatly hung around the arches and a small pathway that led to a circular covering what he deduced was the hot tub. There were shrubs and succulents neatly planted around the house giving some green to the otherwise very warm hue of the area. 

Mac looked around and already his head felt lighter under the sky that just seemed bluer here, probably because the air pollution was nonexistent here. He sheepishly said, “I kinda thought we’d be camping,” rubbing the back of his neck, “but the house looks nice.”

“Listen, we can camp I bought everything, but we can also stay in this awesome house with a hot tub, pool, and functioning toilets and showers.” she shrugged tucking her hands into the back pockets of her shorts. “What can I say, I’m a city gal and honestly we do ‘camp’ a lot for work.”

He shook his head lightly, “yeah I guess you got a point there,” thinking of all of the times they did camp out without any real equipment. “You thought of everything huh?” He asked softly taking her in fully. “Thanks, Riles.” watching her smile and nod made his heart feel warm, a feeling he’s been missing for a while.

As if on cue Bozer pulled up behind them. Riley’s smiled widen. Mac turned towards the car and he thought he was seeing a ghost. Then he heard the familiar sound of a Texan drawl. He turned to Riley wide-eyed and then back at where Bozer stepped out of the car with a shit-eating grin and next to him was none other than Jack Dalton. 

“How’s it going hoss!” He waved with a laugh as he approached Mac and took his hand and pulled him into a hug.

“Jack! Man, it’s so good to see you.” Mac said hugging the older man hard, he felt his eyes water just a bit.

Jack pat his back and pulled away smiling, “it’s good to see you too, kid.”

“Yeah, the OG gang is back together” Bozer claimed jumping with excitement. 

Jack turned to Riley and embraced her, “Hey baby girl!” Pulling her off the ground as she shrieked with laughter. Riley held onto Jack for a moment longer before releasing him and smiling, she didn’t hide the tears that were softly rolling down her face now. 

“I’m so glad to have you back.” She said softly. Jack brushed away tears from her cheek and nodded. 

“Me too.” he turned to look at his crew and smiled at the kids that somehow came to mean the world to him. “So we ready for this crazy weekend or what?!” his arm still around Riley. 

“Hell yeah!” exclaimed Bozer already heading to the trunk of his car to grab his and Jack’s bags. 

Mac just stood dumbfounded for a second taking in the 3 most important people in his life and finally feeling something, he’s been so scared that something in him was shifting but seeing them here smiling at him brought back the warmth he felt has been slowly seeping away. “Thank you, guys.”

“Come on man, we’re family,” Bozer said squeezing his shoulder. 

“You always got us,” Jack added a giant grin. “Alright now, let’s get settled and decide what we’re doing. I’m craving a cold one for sure!” He said picking up his bag.

Riley on cue walked over to the door and pressed in the security code into the door handle and opened up the door. “Welcome to the digs boys, we’ve got the living room” pointing to the right, “the master bedroom just past there as well as the second bedroom. Just ahead is the dining room and kitchen, around the hall to the left we have the other two bedrooms and bathroom. Laundry room and back porch with the grill AND pool. You saw the fire pit and hot tub in the front of the house.” she said sweeping both her arms around the house that was meant to be their home for the next four days. 

“Damn Riley! You did good!” Bozer said as he scanned the house, decorated with a mix of modern and country house feel. Walking over to the kitchen he hummed in approval, “I can work with this! I’m gonna grab the groceries!” he bounced back out the door. 

Jack gave a whistle of approval, “man, after the places I’ve been sleeping in, I’m gonna sleep like a baby!” as he went around ducking into rooms and giving his approval.

Mac didn’t care much about the house but did agree it was a nice one with all the comforts of home. 

Riley suddenly stood in front of him and gave him a warning “Macgyver don’t use any part of this house, I would like to get my deposit back.” He laughed holding up both hands in agreement. 

Jack turned the attention back to the group, “ok kids whose taking what room?”

“Riley should have the master,” Mac said right away. Jack did jokingly protest that he’s the one who’s been sleeping on rubbles and jungle floors. Bozer bounced into one of the bedrooms to the right, jack decided to take the bedroom next to Bozer. Which left him and Riley to the right side of the house. “Masters all yours.”

She smiled, “umm you sure you don’t want it?” to which he shook his head, all of the bedrooms were sizeable with queen beds and dressers, it honestly didn’t matter and being the only girl they didn’t mind giving her the room with space and vanity table so she can paint her face as jack put it to which she rolled her eyes. “So there is the bathroom down the hall next to the other bedrooms but the one here on our side the bathroom is actually in the master, so feel free to use it if you need it. The shower in there looks amazing!” She said nervously.

He smiled “yea ok.” He helped her unpack the car and bring her bag into her bedroom. He looked around “maybe I should take this room,” which earned him a light shove at his shoulder and he chuckled. 

“Too late it’s mine now. Ok! So I say we get changed grab some lunch and chill for a bit while we plan the next few days.” She laid out the plans looking up at him both hands on her hips and she stretched forward towards him. That familiar hammering came back in her chest, the next thing she knows he’s embracing her. “Mac…”

He just needed to be close to her just for a second, releasing her from the embrace he softly said, “I just...I know I said thank you, but really, thank you.”

She held onto his biceps and squeezed them, ignoring the way that made her feel she just smiled at him “hey what are friends for if not to kinda kidnap you for a mini-vacation.” He laughed and she decided that was her favorite sound. Letting her hands fall to her side, “go get settled, I’m sure Boz will make us something to eat, I’m starving.”

He smiled once more and left her standing in the middle of her room feeling so many things. The next four days were going to be the hardest four days of her life she reminded herself again. She survived two years in prison, she’ll be fine, she hoped. Taking a deep breath she walked into the kitchen where she could already hear Jack and Bozer. 

Bozer was laying out sandwich meats and cheese he had picked up while swatting Jack’s hands away from stealing slices of the cold cuts. She felt a bit emotional seeing them goofing around, something about Jack being home made her feel like everything was going to be ok, that Mac would be ok and she would have the strength to get over what was currently happening to her in regards to Mac.

“Some things never change.” She heard Mac say softly now changed into a pair of trousers t-shirt and button-down. “Thanks for the clothes you picked out, I don’t think I could have picked better.”

Again she felt her face warm, what the hell was wrong with her. She couldn’t recall a time that she felt this affected. Usually, with guys she had found attractive, it was always coyness and subtle flirting but never did something so simple trigger this kind of response. She chalked it up to the heat even though the state of the art thermostat read a cool 70°. “Yea, of course, you’re welcome. And I’m glad that some things don’t change.”

Mac looked down at her, he agreed but maybe some things changing wouldn’t be too bad. Pulling up the chair at the kitchen island, they took the beers Jack handed them one by one raising his bottle “it’s good to be home, cheer!” They all clinked the bottles together and shouted cheers. Jack took a long swig off his beer, “Damn that’s good.” 

Mac couldn’t help but feel like he was transported back to a couple of years ago when things were simple and good. They saved lives and had fun. Everything seemed so much heavier and complicated these days. But right now at this moment, he felt the most present he’s felt in a year. 

“What are we having Boz, I’m starving!” Riley whined softly. 

“Girl I got you covered. I’m making a medley of sandwiches, you got a Cuban, prosciutto and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar and basil, and a BLT coming at you with my homemade mayo,” he said already working on prepping the bread with condiments. 

“Damn Bozer, have I missed your cooking!” said Jack with an excited glint in his eyes. 

“So I was thinking we take it easy for today don’t know about you guys but I could take a dip in that pool, we’ll start early morning for the hikes, if we want to camp tomorrow night we can, day 3 and 4 are open for whatever you guys want to do. We need to be back in LA by noon on Monday.” Riley laid out the plans.

“Pool party, I’m in,” Jack said nodded seriously. 

“Me too! I can’t remember the last time I just had a day to do whatever I wanted.” Bozer said thoughtfully while working on their lunch.

“Yea, it’s been a lot going on hasn’t it.” He said picking at the beer bottle label. The room fell into silence for a moment, each reviewing the events of the past year if not longer. They lost so much as a collective but Mac and the most. 

Jack took another sip finishing off his beer and shook his head, “Nah, we’re here to have fun, let’s focus on that.” grabbing one of the pickles that Boze laid out, Bozer gave him a side-eye but said nothing. “This weekend we’re gonna unwind and be thankful for this beautifully weird place. Nothing is blowing up, no one is shooting at us, the worst thing will be the hangovers and food comas,”

Riley and Bozer both collectively knocked on the wood of the kitchen island, “don’t jinx it!”

To which Mac proceeded to explain that ‘jinx’ wasn’t a scientifically proven, and went into a ramble about logic. It wasn’t until he noticed all three of his friends smiling affectionately at him that he stopped dropped him head mouth curving into a smile. He knocked on the wood too just in case.

II

Twenty minutes later Bozer served them his masterpieces as he called them, and they all agreed that they were works of art. Jack had caught them up as much as he could on his mission with the deltas and catching Kovac, leaving the classified information out. It seems so natural that they wouldn’t give details, that they understood that somethings they could never talk about again. 

Finishing off his third sandwich Jack stood to plug his phone to charge “can you believe this phone lasted me almost 2 years?!” 

To which Mac rolled his eyes but his mouth still twitched upwards. “I can’t help that a phone has key components for most builds.”

“Yeah you left and it became either me or Riley. I feel like it was mostly me though.” Bozer said pouting. 

“Appreciate you picking up the slack, I already upgraded my insurance just in case.” Jack pointed at Mac. To which Boze and Riley hollered. 

Mac held up his hand and shook his head, “hey man I promise if I don’t need it, I won’t ask for it.” 

“Alright, Alright let’s get to the pool!” Jack said already pulling his shirt over his head. “Riley throw on some tunes, preferably something country or rock or close to my generation that we can all enjoy.”

It was Riley’s turn to roll her eyes, “don’t worry old man, I got us all covered. A bit of Brooks and Dunn, a bit of Ozzy, a bit of Technotronic, a little Beyonce, and of course Drake for Bozer.”

Mac’s face squinted into lines. “Wait is Techtronic for me? Or is Beyonce for me?”

She laughed, “guess you’ll just have to find out, though I do recall you know the lyrics to at least one of Techtronic’s’ song.” her own eyes squinting to tease him. “Alright, I’m gonna go change, be right back.”

“Yeah ok fair enough, but only cause it was on the radio…saved your booty,” she heard him mumble as she passed him patting his shoulder. 

The guys were already set up by the pool when she walked out. Bozer managed to find a pool floaty from where they didn’t know and mildly suspected he might have packed the one that he was currently laying on and enjoying the sun. Mac and Jack sat next to each other with their feet in the water.

“I’m sorry about your old man.” Jack finally said softly. 

Mac’s lips pulled into a line before he sighed and looked down at the beer bottle in his hand “yea, as it turns out its hard to be mad at a guy that always chose the utilitarian method. He sacrificed himself, I wish I could just be sad or just angry but how I feel is just…” he didn’t know himself.

“Hey man, I get it. I know what it’s like to lose a father. No matter who and how he was as a person, he was still your dad.” Jack said placing a hand on Mac’s shoulder and giving a light squeeze. “But you know I‘m here if you gotta sort through all the jumbled mess in your head. I’ll be your sounding board.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that” He did appreciate it, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to, let alone where to start to untangle the mess that his life became. He was brought out of his brooding when Bozer whistled loudly.

“Damnnnnn Riley!” to which Jack knocked him off his floaty when he resurfaced drawing water away from his face he whined, “I was just paying her the compliment she deserves!”

Mac knew that Riley had an amazing body, her tight jeans, and crop tops proved this countless time if not by the countless gowns and tight dresses she had to wear for ops, but they’d never seen her in a bikini in the four years of working together. He swallowed hard and pretended not to stare, but it was hard when she was all bronze and glowing, toned abs and round hips, her smile radiant even if her eyes held a teasing annoyance at the attention. It suddenly felt hotter than 89°. 

Jack knew better than to tell her to cover up, and he knew that he could trust these guys but still, he pouted about her lack of clothing. “Jack, what do you want me to wear to the pool, a potato sack?”

“No, but...never mind!” he just mumbled. 

She shook her head, but she was trying to distract herself from the fact that Mac had looked at her hard, their eyes locked for a second and she could’ve sworn she saw something there, the way his adam’s apple bobbed make her skin tingle. She decided that she’d read it as a compliment. 

The rest of the afternoon passed with a game of pool volleyball, naps here and there or reading, Riley’s playlist playing in the background. Memories being solidified to sounds, smells, and feelings. She chided them to apply sunscreen and even offered to help with their backs. 

“Riley not sure if you’re aware but I’m black,” Bozer said to her proudly.

“So? Black people burn too and are you trying to get cancer?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Deflated he shook his head no and sat down. One by the one they gave up the protests as she threw savage shade at them. She applied a boatload of sunscreen just cause they gave her a hard time and decided to snap some pictures as well for blackmail of course.

Mac was last and sat in front of her as she steeled herself and slowly applied the sunscreen to the back of his neck, the hair at his nape tickling her fingers. She worked quickly and ran her fingers between his shoulder blades down his back. She felt him tense and worked faster. As much as she enjoyed being able to touch him like this, it was also inappropriate. He didn’t know about her feelings, and she felt sleazy as if she were taking advantage of a friend. Closing the bottle cap shut, she lightly tapped his shoulders, “done, now you don’t have to be an embarrassing lobster.” She weakly cracked.

He wasn’t new to attraction, or the body’s response to the said attraction. He didn’t expect to be so affected by her fingers running down his back, her nails making a slow trail that left him imagining those nails digging into his back for a completely different reason. He cleared his throat, “thanks, wouldn’t want that.” he managed as he looked over his shoulder. Fuck him, she was adorable as she chewed her bottom lip and nodded. Ok, maybe four days of this Riley was going to be a challenge.

II

Around later afternoon everyone decides to shower and get ready for the evening, agreeing to head into town and grabbing dinner there. They decided with the drinks they’ve had best to grab an Uber into town. The awkwardness of the poolside sunscreen still fresh as they piled into the car. It was a short ride but felt long as Riley sat squeezed between Mac and Bozer. Bozer just grinned, of course, him knowing her feeling about Mac was going to be her downfall. When they were dropped off, She felt like she had been holding her breath for hours.

“You ok?” Mac asked her to which she nodded.

“Yep, just need a drink!” His brows raised and he seconded that feeling because he definitely could use one. 

Walking around the old Pioneer town setup, Mac explained different tools and contraptions that were displayed around the old buildings from the 1800s, Jack dazzled them with stories about Texas that either made no sense or was inaccurate according to Mac, Bozer, and goggle. They decided to have dinner at Pappy and Harriet’s Pioneertown Palace, where the smell of barbecue wafted through the warm evening air, They could hear the bustle of music and glasses clinking. Bozer was already rushing in to get them a table saying something about getting his hands on some ribs. Jack hollered that he has to see if this place is as good as Texas barbecue. 

Mac looked down at Riley as her eyes sparkled with excitement the earlier awkwardness finally forgotten. Even though they’ve been everywhere in the world, this place had her vibrating. “I never knew you were a fan of the country life.”

She laughed, “I don’t know, I didn’t think that I was either, but there is something about this place that just, I dunno gets me kinda hyped.”

“Hey, guys they have a table for us!” Bozer shouted over the live music and chatter. Apparently they came on open mic night and the local dentist was doing this rendition of Hank Williams’ “all my rowdy friends” and killing it. The energy was just infectious.

They sat down as Bozer rubbed his hands together, “I already know this is gonna be the bomb. I mean can you smell that hickory?!”

“Hell yea I can!” Jack chimed in.

Mac smiled at his best friends, Bozer and Jack were always bouncing off each other in any room the three of them were in, but since Riley came into the picture they’re better behaved. They listen to song after song and the cheers of the crowd as they ate. Jack approved and hummed in appreciation. 

“I’ve missed this, the good ole USA, bbq, and country blues.” 

“Every song is about beer, a truck, a woman, but man is it catchy” Bozer stood busting out his moves as he called it. 

“Jack, it makes sense you should feel right at home at this place.” She said with eyes twinkling. 

Mac took a swig of his beer and chuckled, “This whole place is Jack if he were a bar, maybe throw in some Black Sabbath and ACDC in and you have Jack.”

Jack grinned and nodded, “ok, ok, you’re not wrong. I’m totally digging this place.” His eyes finding the eyes of a pretty blonde at the bar.

“Classic...” She agreed, crinkling her nose up in that adorable way when she found something slightly distasteful, thought Mac. For a moment they took the time to acknowledge the man who became a father to them both with affection. If they ever have to thank someone for their sincerity they could claim Jack as one of the big influencers. They’re musing was broken by Bozer shouting,

“Guys come on let's dance, how often do we get to do this anymore?” Bozer ushered them onto the dance floor. He already found himself a couple of dance partners. Ph.D. in partying Bozer was out tonight. 

It was true, they didn’t do these things anymore. Things haven’t been the same for a while. It’s only been about a year and yet he felt like his whole world shifted. An avalanche of shit hit him. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Jack jumped up and was already making a beeline for the woman at the bar. They could hear a vague “how you doing?”

Mac and Riley just rolled their eyes and joined Bozer on the dance floor as the new performer of the night decided to sing Shania Twain “Man, I Feel like a woman.” As soon as they joined Bozer, of course, within minutes Riley was stolen away for a dance. Mac was happy to watch her, the joy finally reaching her eyes today. Maybe they all needed this, a moment to stop and appreciate their lives. 

He liked seeing her like this, Riley was always fun to be around. But right now she was everything he thought to himself, everything about her made his heart feel full. Finishing his beer off, he decided that he wanted to be the one to dance with his _friend_. The more he played with the word, somehow it didn’t seem enough anymore to call her that.

“Can I steal her for this dance?” he asked not really waiting for an answer already pulling her close to him. “You good?” looking to make sure he wasn’t misreading the situation.

She looked up at him and nodded, “yeah, I’m good.” looking down at their joined hands, it was this hand-holding that started the thud in her chest in Germany, and here it was hammering away. She was so screwed. There was a part of her mind that asked her, why not? He’s not attached anymore, so why not? But she knew better, he didn’t need this right now. He didn’t need her feelings to complicate his life. Lost in her thoughts or the blues of his eyes she wasn’t sure which, she didn’t realize the music was changing as the next performer took stage and cheers were heard. 

The music changed to a slower one, something about it just seemed fitting and he’d watched her dance all night with other people but now it was his turn. He stepped up closer to her, her eyes on him as he took her hand and swayed with her. She laughed softly as they danced to a soft country song about a man who wanted to be a girl’s everything. How ironic.

__

_“If you wanna be with a guy who's gonna bring you flowers  
A guy who's gonna talk on your phone for hours  
A guy who's gonna wanna hold the door for you  
When you wanna walkthrough  
A guy who's gonna pick you up  
A guy who's gonna take you out and make you  
Wanna get a little dressed up and get a little down”  
_

She once told him that she wouldn’t mind a small town, the quiet, after everything they saw daily. He wondered if secretly she wanted to be one of those ‘girl next door’ country girl. He felt her warmth through the shirt she wore, his finger brushing the soft exposed skin of her midriff. It was like an electrical current ran through him, which was, of course, plausible and probably didn’t mean anything.

__

_“I wanna be the guy with the roses  
Number on speed dial, ladies first, don't you know that's my style  
Hop into my truck I got plans  
We’ll head on down to Jimmy's and we'll do a little dance  
There's a lot of things in a small town a guy can be  
But if its by your side for the rest of my life  
Baby, you can call me, a wannabe (a wannabe)  
Be be a wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe)  
Be Be”  
_

She knew how dangerous this was getting, but she couldn’t help herself just for this one song. Couldn’t help giggling when he spun her around and pulled her close. Couldn’t help but let her stupid heart thud at his deep laughter. Where she could touch him for a little while without question, without worry. She can feel the hair at the nape of his neck as she wrapped her arms around him because they were just dancing. This stolen moment getting filed away as one of the best nights she’s had to date. 

__

_“If you wanna be with a guy whose gonna give you  
The whole world from the back of a dirt road farm  
Scribbled in ink with a big heart a tattoo on my arm  
I'm talkin' kissin' like crazy, can't shut it down  
Can't you see how  
I wanna be the guy that you’re out with  
Arm that's your names on”  
_

With every sway, he felt like he was taking a step towards where he should be. The person he should be and wanted to be. The doubt that has been clouding over him slowly clearing a little. He felt like he could finally see the light shining through. If someone like Riley could stand next to him as the world ended then life couldn’t possibly be that bad, right? So for now at this moment, he pulls her closer, lets her scent make him dizzy. Lets his hand splay across the small of her back to let each finger feel her.

__

_“Be the lips baby that you wanna put your lips on  
All-day, all night, moonshine, sunrise, your favorite song  
There's a lot of things in a small town a guy can be  
But if it’s by your side for the rest of my life, baby you can call me  
A wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe)  
Be be a wannabe (a wannabe)  
Be Be”  
_

There is a cheer from the crowd and she laughs “This song is fucking catchy,” She says as he dips her, the audible gasp vibrating through her to him. He decided then that he loved dancing with Riley. He loved her laughs, the way her whole face lit up. 

__

_“I wanna be the guy you make a life with, picket white fence with  
Maybe a little later hell even make a baby with  
Just you and me livin' that life long dream  
There's a lot of things in a small town a guy can be  
But if it’s by your side for the rest of my life”  
_

He placed his forehead against hers and held her close. She glances up at him and his eyes hold hers. She’s mystified by their intensity, her body on fire from his breath fanning across her face. They were so close, he could kiss. He wanted to kiss her. As they got lost in each other, they failed to see the silly smile on Bozer’s face as he watched them or Jack who also softly chuckled from where he got distracted from wooing his lady friend Carla. If he was being honest, he can’t believe it took this long for them to get to this point. Well, he supposed he’ll have to have a chat with Mac about what he can expect if he hurts his little girl. Turning back to Carla he spared them one last glance then he was all Dalton, Jack Dalton. 

__

_“Baby you can call me, a wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe)  
Be be  
You can call me your wannabe (a wannabe)  
Be Be  
A wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe)  
Be Be”  
_

The crowd clapped cheered and whistled around them, he held her eyes still in a trance. Something definitely shifted between them. She cleared her throat and let him go smiling. “Thanks for the dance. That was so much fun.” Turning to make her way through the crowd to their table where a fresh bottle of beer was waiting for them courtesy of Bozer she assumed. She didn’t wait to see if he was following.

The heat from the dance coming off her now as if she had a full HIIT workout. She took a sip of the beer and before she could swallow it, he was standing next to her. 

“Riley…”

She gulped down the beer and looked at him, she was so fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and commenting. I haven't written fanfic in years and honestly appreciate the feedback. Songs from this chapter are added to the playlist. Highly recommend listening to "Consider Me" by Allen Stone, such a great song!

The fairy lights that lined the ceiling of the bar twinkled above his head, “Flowers in your hair” by the Lumineers played in the background and honestly, her breath caught in her throat for more than just one reason. She had to make a choice quickly, either let this conversation continue which will inevitably end horribly or she could stall, run. Thankfully Bozer came to her rescue as he bounced over to them. “Guys, I don’t know about you but this place is lit. I might write a western, or country romcom. I could be the next Nick Sparks!”

Mac stared down at her, he wanted to apologize for making her uncomfortable, and obviously he had, from the way she ran from him, or did he? Was she acting weird or was he being weird? But man did she look beautiful under the soft light of the bar, later he’ll remember the smell, the way her pupils dilated, and the sounds that seem to engulf them. 

She looked at Bozer and he instantly read the situation, there was a tension surrounding them if he had to guess it was probably sexual. She begged him to save her from this moment and being the friend he was, he grabbed Riley’s hand “girl you’ve danced with everyone here but me, your original bo.” He said dragging her back into the crowd. 

Mac watched the events unfold way too quickly for him to grasp what was happening until Riley was in the crowd, eyes drifting to him as she shrugged. He ran his fingers through his hair, if he was being honest he wasn’t sure what he’d say to her. What exactly would talking about what he just felt do? He’s barely been broken up with Desi for a couple of weeks. Riley didn’t deserve to be used by him, he wasn’t sure he’d survive her. Grabbing his beer he sat down in his chair and watch the dance floor where she swayed with Bozer. His grip on his bottle tightened. Man, did he have to work on his issues, this was becoming almost satirical.

He was wrapped up in his thoughts or more like subtly stalking Riley on the dance floor to see the pretty redhead that came to sit across from him, “Hey cutie, wanna dance?”

He looked at her as she smiled with the sultry curve of her lips and leaned toward him where he can see the tops of her cleavage. In any other situation, he maybe would’ve taken her up on a dance cause why not, but at this moment he only had one woman he wanted to dance with or talk to. “Thanks for the invitation but I’m all danced out for now.”

Riley watched from where she danced with Bozer as Mac got chatted up, she sighed and rolled her neck to release the tension. “Seriously Riley, how long are you going to do this?” She looked at her friend and shrugged sticking her lips out and shaking her head. 

“Don’t know what you mean.”

Bozer rolled his eyes, “ok, let’s pretend then, why were you looking all nervous around Mac and he looked like he killed your puppy and didn’t know what to do. Y'all are a mess.”

“I just wanted this weekend to be about him, to let him know that he had people around him. I don’t want to weigh him down with my shit you know.” She sighed shuffling slowly to George Ezra’s “Shot Gun.” She made a note of how good open mic night was here, everyone was really good, she guessed they had time to practice. 

“Well, yea that’s a given but there is major tension between you guys and trust that it will blow up and make things even more complicated. Have you considered just talking to him?” Bozer knew how hard it could be telling someone you like them, hell he’s been through it with the woman in front of him. 

“There’s no point in doing that, I’m getting over this crush. I think we just spend a lot of time almost dying together which triggers emotional dependency you know.” She rationalized her face twisting along with her fingers to make her point.

“Mmhmm, yeah, I don’t think that’s what it is. I know I like to swim in the pool but you apparently like the Nile. That’s ok, do you, but I’m worried about you.” he cracked.

Riley couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m fine, really. I just need to work through it and once I move out it’ll be better.” She said.

“So you’re still going through with that? Bozer asked already contemplating how Mac would take the news. 

“I was never going to stay there forever, it was a temporary situation. Now, I just need to speed up the process. I just haven’t had a lot of time with Codex trying to take out a quarter of the population and stuff.” She glanced over to their table where now Mac sat with Jack and his new friend, the redhead was nowhere to be found. “I’ll take care of it, thanks for the rescue earlier. I promise to do better.” She said giving Bozer a quick hug as the song ended. 

“Ok, as always I’m here to help in any way you know that,” he said giving her hand a squeeze. 

She smiled at him, “thanks Boz. Wanna head back and meet Jack’s bae and watch him make a fool of himself?” using her thumb to point to their table.

Bozer laughed, “oh yes, please lead the way.”

Jack had found Mac sitting at their table staring intently at Riley and Boozer on the dance floor, drinking his beer. He decided to introduce Carla to the table, but he saw he was going to have to first deal with this, so he turned to Carla “Darling, you want to order a round for the table, just put it on my tab. Thanks!”

Carla smiled and headed to the bar to get their drinks. Jack sat down and squeezed Mac's shoulder. “What’s going on in that giant brain of yours?”

“Not much,” he smiled at Jack. 

Jack grinned, “nope, that look on your face was not nothing.” leaning back in his chair he followed his line of vision. “You keeping a lookout for something?”

Mac shrugged and let his mouth twist up, “I don’t know Jack, I feel like I’ve been living in my head a lot these days. Today was the first time in a long time I felt normal, felt like I was ok.”

“So why you are sitting here like someone kicked your puppy?” Jack already had an idea as to why but he figured if he let the kid answer then he’ll learn something. 

Mac chuckled at that, “nothing like that, I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“You remember our last manniversary?” Jack asked.

“Oh, you mean where we got taken hostage, yea I remember. What’s your point?”

“That life is short, in our line of work. If there is something worth fighting for, fight for it. Let go, man, until you do that you’ll be stuck in this place. The same stuff that messes us up, should also remind us that we have the opportunity to do and be better” Jack said sincerely holding his eyes.

Well damn, Jack was always good at these kinds of talks. Mac missed these talks, Jack had a way of helping him work through his emotions. Now how does he tell Jack that his current conundrum was regarding his pseudo daughter who Mac may or may not want to kiss senseless? Mac nodded and pat Jack's back. 

“Alright, boys here are the drinks!” Carla said as she set five beers and whiskey shots down in front of them. 

“Mac this is Carla,” Jack introduced. “Carla, that’s Bozer and Riley”

Riley and Bozer made it to the table just as Carla was saying hello. “Nice to mee you.” She said waving at the woman. 

Bozer shook her hand and deliberately sat down next to her, which left the only chair left for Riley next to Mac. She steeled herself to be normal. No one here needed her internal struggles on display, they came for a good time and that’s what they’ll get from her. 

“Nice to meet you all, Jack here has been talking about you guys all night. But before I confirm everything he’s been saying how about we solidify this meeting a drink?” she said as she picked up the shot glass in her manicured hands. 

Riley looked around the table and smirked, “ok, yea why not.” picking up a glass.

“Party Bozer approves!” Bozer said as he picked one up too. 

Jack laughed as he handed one of the last two to Mac. “Alright, to living our best lives” He winked at the table before downing his shot. 

“Cheers!” Riley exclaimed before doing her own shot, glancing at Mac and giving him her best ‘we’re cool’ smile. To which he smiled and did his own shot. 

Bozer and Carla tapped their glasses together and did theirs as well. “Oh man, I love and hate shots.”

Carla laughed at him, “that’s how all good things are, a fine line between love and hate.”

“So Carla do you live around here?” asked Riley already feeling the woman out, she was protective, what can she say?

“I do, I own a cafe just on the main road.” She said cheerily. “What about you guys? Do you all work with Jack?”

“Yea, we do. Though Jack just got back from a long business trip,” said Bozer nodding. 

“What do people do at a Think Tank anyway?” she asked. 

Mac laughed, “we think up stuff.” Riley snorted at this and agreed.

“That’s so cool, I’m not very technical myself beyond the basics, but I do know coffee,” Carla said proudly. “Y'all should stop by for a coffee. How long are you in town?”

“Just until Sunday, but yeah sounds good,” Riley said taking a sip of her beer. 

Carla beamed, she genuinely seemed nice and normal. They chatted about the town, about her favorite hike through Joshua Tree and they shared a few good laughs at Jack’s expense. Somewhere between that Bozer got stolen for a dance. 

Carla suddenly turned to Riley and Mac. “So how long have you two been dating?” both Mac and Riley froze, while Jack leaned in to hear the answer with a serious look on his face. 

“Ahhh,” Riley laughed nervously, “we’re not. We’re good friends.”

Carla squinted her eyes, “are you sure? I sense something and I’m usually right about these things.”

Mac pressed his lips together as he smiled, “Nope, just friends.”

“Hmm, ok if you guys say so. But I gotta say you have great energy together.” Carla waved her fingers in between them. “You never thought about it?”

Mac looked at Riley as that familiar blush spread across her pretty face, man is only Carla knew how much he’s thought about it and buried it and thought about it. They shrugged and sipped their beer almost guiltily. 

Jack cleared his throat, “they spend a lot of time together, that’s all.” He had no intention of sitting in this awkward tension for more than one reason.

Carla dropped it and suddenly jumped up when the intro to Willie Jones’ “Down for it” was being played, grabbing Jack’s arm. “I love this song, let’s dance.”

“You got it sweetheart!” he said as he stumbled up behind her. 

Riley chuckled, “she’s something.”

“She seems nice, I like her.” Mac shrugged and laughed. 

“Yea, she’s so Jack’s type.”

“Oh, yea totally” Mac agreed.

And just like that, they were back to normal, everything shifted back to the right side and each decided they would try to keep it this way. Their friendship worked, why ruin a good thing?

****

II

They left the bar just after eleven, grabbing another Uber back, Jack invited Carla back for another drink after clearing with the gang, even though they had planned to be up early for the hike they all agreed one more drink wouldn’t hurt. Jack convinced them that they technically had enough time to do everything and in the usual fashion, everyone gave in to his whims.

Carla complemented their temporary home as Jack made a beeline for the fridge grabbing beers for everyone. Riley put the music on and Bozer grabbed the bags of snacks stating dancing made him peckish. They shared some more stories about themselves, laughed some.

Mac quietly slipped out of the house as the others chatted over drinks and sat on the lounge chair watching the sky sparkle, there were so many stars that he could see here and he proceeded to name the constellations in his mind. It was peaceful here, the smell of smoke hung in the air. He heard the screen door open, “hey” he said softly.

“Hey man,” Bozer said as he took a seat next to him, “hiding out?”

He gave his head a shake, “just wanted a minute.”

Bozer dipped into the chair next to Mac and stretched his legs out, “I over-hyped myself, and it doesn’t seem like Jack has any intention of slowing down.”

To which Mac chuckled softly, he forgot that Bozer, like Jack, was sometimes like an overzealous kid. “Yea you went hard with the dancing tonight. Jack is always on another level.”

Bozer laughed, “I haven’t felt this young in a while, don’t get me wrong I love working for the Pheonix, but sometimes it’s so heavy that I forget that I’m still young. You know I used to think being a superhero was so cool, but I don’t think I thought about their emotional and mental trauma. How heavy it is.”

“Yea they certainly don’t tell you that. Think Tank is not for everyone.” He said leaning his head back all the way chuckling, “there was a time I lived for changing the world for the better with the particle skills I have. I’m not so sure if we’re changing anything.”

Bozer looked at his friend, he’s seen this Mac once before not to the extent of now, but when his dad left he looked just as lost. “We’re changing the lives of the people we help, I think that’s still better than not doing anything. I know that logically it might feel like we’re not reaching the outcome you’re looking for, but we are Mac.” 

“I feel like I’ve been hit by a hurricane,” he sighed out, the exhaustion present in his whole demeanor.

“That’s why Riley thought this would help you.” Bozer baited, really he came out here to understand where Mac stood in regards to the hacker. Watching his friends struggle this way didn't sit right with him. “She’s got your back, we all do.”

He was silent for a second before saying, “I don’t deserve someone like her, I’ll mess it up.”

Bozer’s mouth curved up, so he was right that Mac felt the same way. He’s suspected for a long time that he did, but in the beginning, Bozer’s own attraction to Riley clouded the signs. “She is amazing,” he said almost wistfully which earned him a glance from Mac.

“Are you...do you like her again?” Mac asked as a nervousness bubbled up in his stomach at the idea of Bozer and Riley. They were both single, spent a lot of time together, she danced with him a lot tonight.

Bozer laughed, “I never stopped liking her, but I know she doesn’t feel the same way. I mean come on man, who gets over someone like Riley? Not including those idiots, she’s dated in the past, those guys just didn’t know how to handle someone like her and probably the job had a hand in it too. But other than Leannah I haven’t met anyone that shook me like her.” Bozer wasn’t lying when he said he never really got over Riley, the relationship naturally transformed into the one they had now and he was happy with where they are, but he also wanted to bait Mac and see his response. “It’s just easy to be around her.”

That’s what Mac was afraid of who can get over Riley Davis? He knew exactly what Bozer was talking about. It was easy to be with her, the way life flowed naturally always made him wonder about him and Desi. With Riley the excitement wasn’t what made her fun, he could talk to her for hours and do mundane things and still feel like it was fun. “She’s pretty special.” 

“There is no one I’d rather have to be my friend and watch my back other than you and Jack, you know that she tracked Jack down and helped him take down Kovac because she thought you could use Jack back in the Pheonix.”

Mac shifted in his chair to look at Bozer fully, “what? She did that?”

Bozer nodded his head, “yea, after your dad died, she began the search for Kovac. She said if there was anyone who can help cheer you up, who can get through to you it’d be Jack. She tries to hide everything she feels because I think she’s scared that she’ll lose people, so she pretends to be cool and collected. Riley’s always stood with you and for you, even when everyone thought you betrayed Pheonix she questioned everything on your behalf.”

He never knew that she went to such lengths to make sure he would be ok, she never asked for anything in return. Maybe this is the reason why he needed to make sure they maintain this friendship, the trust she had in him, he had told aunt Gwen that all you needed was that one person, Riley was that person for him.

“Are you sure?”

Bozer turned to look at him, “about what?”

“That she doesn’t feel the same way for you? Maybe things have changed.”

Bozer just laughed as he stood to stretch, “are you sure things haven’t changed for you?” 

Mac looked up at him quizzically, Bozer waved him off. “Nah, I don’t think Riely and I are meant to be. But I do know that this weekend is meant to be about chilling out and letting loose. I know there’s still a lot to do but try to enjoy yourself.”

Mac scoffed with a smile, “yeah, I’ll try. Sorry for being all intense.”

“You’re good, I’m going to hit the hay. Give Jack and Carla some space or something. Hope the walls are soundproof” He said thoughtfully “Pretty sure Riley will wake us up at the crack of dawn.”

“She’s becoming such a morning person lately.” Mac agreed.

“Mmhmm, I doubt that’s what it is,” Bozer mumbled as he made his way in. 

Minutes later Riley came out and let loose a long sigh. Mac smiled as she leaned against one of the pillars, “getting too much in there?”  
“You have no idea, they’re getting all gross.” Riley visibly shivered at the picture in her head. “I think they’re gonna go for a swim, and honestly I’m glad that pool has a filtration system cause I don’t think I could get in there ever again.”

Mac laughed softly, “good old Jack, some things never change.”

“No, they don’t.” She agreed. “I think, I kind of like that about him. He tries to live his life to the fullest no matter how many times he gets hurt.”

“Yea, he said something similar earlier tonight.” he thought back to the conversation from earlier, then he laughed, “did I ever tell you about our last manniversary?”

Riley laughed, ”of course you two have a 'manniversary,' what happened, he forgot to buy you flowers?”

He told her the whole kidnapping and mini torture weekend, he enjoyed the way her face contorted with different expression from the tale. “So a memorable one then,” she laughed. 

“Yea I guess you can say that.” his eyes crinkled. “But he had a point, in our line of work, we should take advantage of every moment with the people who matter.”

Her lips pressed into a smile and she nodded, “yeah we should.”

The moment was broken by a “yeehaw from in the side of the house.” Riley’s nose wrinkled to the side. 

“Gross...I think I need to go scrub my ears now if that’s for what I think it’s for.” 

“Yea I feel you on that.” He said rising from his seat. “Time to turn in?”

“Yea, I think so. I think they’ve gone to bed so, I’ll check the damage and then call it night.”

“Here, I’ll help.”

They stepped into the house where the kitchen was clear of Jack and Carla. Bozer had gone to bed earlier. The music played softly. Mac caught the smile on her face. “What?”

She turned the speaker up just a bit. “I really love this song.” her nose doing that scrunch like she was kind of embarrassed. Allen Stone’s “Consider me” played around them in the quiet of the house at one in the morning.

Mac listened to lyrics, the guitar, and snaps in the background of the song that she loved. She swayed to the music as she cleared the beer bottles from the table, the dim lights and candles casting a glow around her. He leaned against one of the counters for a second just watching her before he found himself walking up behind her and tapping her shoulder and holding out his hand. She laughed softly when he wordless shrugged and smiled at her, she took his hand and they danced to the soul r&b rendition. 

_“If you're looking for somebody who  
Don't judge you from your past  
And focuses on only things  
That help to make it last  
If you're looking for somebody who  
Will put up with your shit  
Can fight fire with fire  
Without burning you a bit”_

She had always secretly wanted to dance with someone to this song, and she was glad that Mac somehow read her mind and that it was Mac that she was dancing with.

_“Consider me (Won't you consider me?)  
Consider me (Won't you consider me?)  
Consider me (Won't you consider me?)  
Won't you consider me?”_

This dance felt different from the one in the bar. This felt like dancing with your best friend, this felt like comfort. The words of the song washing over him, he wondered who she thought of when she listens to this. He decided that he loved this song too. He spun her and pulled her back and they laughed softly together. When the song faded away, they stood holding hands and smiling at each other. 

“Thanks for the dance, should we maybe clean all this up,” She asked with a happy glint in her eyes.

His own mouth curving up, “yeah let's do it.” Her smile was infectious, he always felt like smiling when she was around. 

They worked in silence to tidy up the kitchen, hitting the lights they headed towards their rooms. Across from each other. They stood by their respective door and finally said goodnight. And all things considered, it was an amazing night Riley concluded. She got to dance with Mac twice, got him to smile, and being himself for more than five minutes. If nothing else, this trip was already a success in her mind. 

****

II

It was the sudden yelp that woke her, She looked around her room and wondered if it was Jack and Carla which made her face twist in mild disgust in her half awaken state. But she was pretty sure she couldn’t possibly hear them all way on this side of the house. She waited a minute and heard a muffled voice and it was coming from Mac’s room she thought. Within minutes she was on her feet and slowly making her way towards his bedroom. She stopped in front of his door, she can hear his voice and what she made out as a serious of ‘no.’ She knocked gently on the door when he didn’t answer, she carefully turned the knob and let herself into his room.

“Mac?” she called softly.

She saw that he was thrashing in his bed, sheets twisted around him as he kept saying “no, don’t...don’t please,”

Her heart broke a little, he was having another nightmare. They were all prone to a nightmare or two from the stuff they dealt with but he just kept getting worse since they started dealing with Codex and especially after they found Sheva. Closing the door behind her gently, she walked over to his bed, slowly sitting on the side of the bed, she gently brushed the hair from his sweat sleek face, “Mac?” she called softly trying to wake him gently.

He continued to twist and turn, he finally took a hold of his shoulder and gave him a gentle jerk. Mac’s eyes flew open and found Riley’s. He shot up and wrapped his arms around her and held her to him tightly. 

Her brows knit together, “you’re ok Mac, I got you.” Something must’ve really scared him. His whole body trembled around her. She used one hand to stroke his hair and softly whispered that he was ok over and over.

Mac held on to her tight, his heart raced with fear. He thought he’d lost her, he watched her get shot right in front of him. Watched as she bled out and he couldn’t stop it. He let her soft whispers calm him, let his eyes close for a moment, and felt her fingers through his hair. He didn’t want to let her go, if only they could stay this way. 

“Mac?” she called again when she felt his body relax against her. “You ok?”

He sighed and pulled away from her, instantly feeling empty. “Yea, sorry I woke you up I guess.”

“Don’t worry about that, what did you see?” She asked, there was no point in pretending it wasn’t a nightmare, it made more sense just to ask what this particular dream was about. “If you want to tell me that is.”

Mac looked at searching and worried face, “I saw you die, all of you. I couldn’t save you.”

“Shhh, it’s ok, we’re ok.” She said rubbing the back of his neck gently. She felt his arm tighten around her a little. They stayed this way for a few more minutes before he pulled away and looked at her.

“Thanks, Riles.”

“Hey, of course, always,” she said, but there was a pang of sadness and guilt like she was lying to him somehow. She knew just how much he craved love, it wasn’t lost on her the meaning behind what he’d told her in Germany, that his biggest regret and fear was being alone. She felt the same way if she were being honest. She had a revolving door of men coming and going from her life since she was little, she didn’t want to be like her mom, she didn’t want to keep hoping for a great love but settling for mediocrity. She knew why her feelings for Mac scared her because for her he had the possibility of being her greatest love. 

His eyes searched hers in the dark, when she was close he always felt this bubble engulf him where he felt as if she were hugging him with her aura. Everything about her made him feel like he was safe like he was home. “Sorry, you must be exhausted, get some sleep.”

“Are _you_ going to get some sleep?” She knew that if she left him now, he’d be up most of the night. 

He smiled, “I’ll try, but probably not.” he ran his fingers through his hair causing some of it to fall across his face.

She reached out and pushed it back to place. “Well then, you want some company?”

“Will you stay?”

She nodded. He took her hand, they smiled at each other for what seemed like the longest time, each running through scenarios. There were moments of heat and then there were moments like now where the need was completely just emotional support, a profound level of intimacy and comfort. She felt his thanks, and wordlessly they shifted so they were sat side by side against the headboard. Shoulders brushing and fingers laced together. No words needed.

****

II

The smell of coffee and bacon roused her, she felt so warm, soft, and hard. She opened her eyes and suddenly she realized that she wasn’t in her bed and a weight was present around her midriff. Then a very familiar face and golden head of hair came into her line of sight. What.the.fuck. Why was she in Mac’s room in his bed and wrapped up in his sheets?

Then flashes of earlier that night came back to her, that she’d come in to wake him from a nightmare. That he had asked her to stay with him in the most vulnerable voice and that she agreed, telling herself that she’d leave once he fell asleep. Looks like she fell asleep as well. If she were honest, she’d admit that this felt right, waking up with him wrapped around her. She felt safe like she’s never felt before in anyone’s arms.

But last night was more proof that he didn’t need her feelings added to the weight he was carrying. He needed to work through this, grieve, and heal. She’s been in and around enough toxic relationships to know that starting something messy never ends well. But the bigger thing was, she was determined to get over her feelings and remain his friend and be there for him as he’s been there for her countless times. This relationship was important, probably the most important one in her life.

But looking at his sleeping face now this close, she couldn’t help the tightness in her chest or the heat she felt all over. Letting him go from her feelings was going to be one of the hardest things she’ll have to do. As if he sensed her internal struggle, he slowly opened his eyes and smiled. 

“Morning,” he whispered.

“Morning,” she whispered back, “think Bozer is up, I smell coffee and bacon.”

He hmmed but made no move to let her lose, instead he closed his eyes again. “Let’s just stay like this for a minute.”

“Ok.”

So they did, for a minute they forgot everything and just stayed still in each other’s embrace. Finally, Mac rolled over to his back and sighed, “guess we should probably get started with the day”

“Yea, I need some coffee,” she said but not moving from where she laid next to him on the bed. 

“You know it’s funny, I kinda don’t want to get out of bed.” 

Riley stretched out “I never want to get out of bed,” which earned her a chuckle from Mac.

“I know, I’m surprised you’ve never been late to work.” Looking at her now no makeup just the morning light warming her face, he thought she looked beautiful. 

Riley snorted and finally sat up, “I’m never late for work. Besides, I don’t want to be in the receiving end of Matty’s wrath.”

“True, been there, it’s not fun”

“Alright, I’ll head out, see if Bozer needs help.” She got out of the bed and towards his door. 

“Riles?” Mac called, she turned with a questioning look, “thank you.”

She let her eyes slide close for a second and gave a curt nod before walking out of the door.

****

II

It turned out to be Carla who was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, Riley smiled her thanks at the woman when she handed her a cup of coffee and then one to Mac who did the same and sat next to her, she could still feel his warmth around her. She smiled brushing her chin on her shoulder, when she looked at Carla she was beaning at her knowingly.

“Morning, you guys doing alright this morning after all those beers?” She asked as she expertly whisked eggs together.

“Actually I think I got the best sleep I’ve had in a while,” Mac said sipping his coffee, the corners of his eyes catch Riley smile into her cup as her cheek colored to pink. 

“I’m glad to hear that! Guess you found the cure then.” Carla winked. 

Mac chuckled and tilted his head, “yeah I guess so, how was your night…” He didn’t actually want to know the details deducing that it was good since she was standing here making them breakfast.

“Yea it was nice,” She smiled. 

Bozer zombie walked into the kitchen mumbling something about burning the kitchen down. When he finally made eye contact he instantly perked up, “Carla, hey, good morning.” he turned his head at Riley and Mac who stared at him with amusement. 

“Morning Bozer, how’d you sleep?” She asked already pouring a cup of coffee for him. 

Bozer took a seat next to Riley, “yea, not bad. Expected to feel much worse than I do. Thank you” he said as she handing him the cup.

“Guess Jack is the only one down for the count.” She said, “we’ll I thought I’d thank you guys for last night with my best hangover-curing breakfast. Hope you don’t mind me taking the liberty.” pointing at the stacks of pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. 

All three agreed in unison that they didn’t mind. “Honestly Carla it’s nice that you decided to take on the task because if Mac got in the kitchen we’d be putting out a fire instead of having a nice cup of coffee over your aromatic eggs.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad...anymore,” Mac mumbled. To which he got a collective round of giggles.

“Morning Familia!” Jack finally making an entrance. “Oh honey, don’t tell me you cooked!” He said walking up to Carla and placing a quick kiss on her cheek. 

“She most definitely did and saved us from ourselves,” Mac grinned.

“Well you and Riley cleaned up after us, it’s the lest I can do. Should we set the table? We don’t want this to get cold” Carla waved her hand across the spread.

Bozer jumped up to start gathering the plates, Riley grabbed the cutlery and Mac grabbed glasses for juice. Within 5 minutes the table was set and they were sat down for breakfast. Once again it was easy to be around each other, light banter, Jack being the joker and everyone complimenting Carla on the feast she prepared for them. 

“So what are you guys planning to do today? Carla asked looking around the table.

“We’re heading into the park and planning on camping tonight, maybe tomorrow night as well? Riley asked the table. “Pretty open-ended plans really. This is the first getaway in over a year?”

“Yea that sounds about right,” said Bozer thinking of the last time he was off. 

“Wow, they keep you guys busy at the Think Tank huh?”

They all looked around at each other then Mac spoke up, “we just really love our jobs.” 

Carla laughed at all of them grinning in agreement. “You guys are a funny bunch for sure.”

They discussed all the hikes they’d like to do, Carla suggested some good camping sites. Soon everyone was stuffed thanks to Carla and again thanked her for breakfast. Riley and Mac cleared the table and loaded up the dishwasher, and tidied the kitchen. Bozer started his inventory for their camp meals and preparing them lunches for later. Mac made a checklist for what they needed for the camp. Bozer jokingly asked if they had to do survival training or if this time they could just bring water and food, to which Mac replied they'll go for a traditional camp and hoped he wouldn't get shot again. All three collectively knocked on wood, just in case.

Jack called Carla an Uber and walked her out. They made plans to see each other before they left town. 30 minutes later they were packed and ready to head out to Joshua Tree national park. Deciding to just take Mac’s truck, Jack hopped into the passenger seat while Bozer and Riley got in the back. Mac was so used to having Riley next to him the last year that it threw him for a second. But then he smiled to himself, the old gang was back together, and that was pretty great too. He started the car and Riley’s phone paired with the Bluetooth, he met her eyes through the rearview mirror and she smiled. Soon they were on the short drive to the national park as Iggy Pop’s “Passenger” played.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this is just getting away from me and becoming its own thing so I'm just gonna go with the flow. Originally I thought it was gonna be a one-shot lighthearted snip it but now it's just doing a thing and I think I'll let it as it becomes more of character studies and borderline meta. I appreciate the comments and the kudos, they really mean a lot when you're not sure what the hell you're doing. This ship gives me a lot of feelings and complexities and I guess while I'll still explore them no matter what, it's nice to know that others feel the same or had similar thoughts. If it's getting boring please let me know. 
> 
> Thanks again for taking the time to read! <3

They were at the national park in 45 minutes, another 20 minutes later they were parked by Cholla Cactus Garden. The garden rounded back to the car park, so they grabbed their water bottles and headed out into the midday sun and blues skies.

Riley took a deep breath, the world was such a beautiful and weird place. She never thought she’d get to see so much of it. If she were being honest. She thought she’d be behind bars and losing the one thing she was good at, full of regrets and bitterness. Those two years she thought of all the places she’d go once she was free. She started to prepare herself mentally for what it would be like without a computer, what would she do? Then one day a beautiful blonde broke her out of prison with a paperclip and suddenly she could imagine more for her life, past regrets serving as a lesson to live better in the now. For the most part, she did do that. 

She got so much from this ragtag family, she watched the three men fondly as they goofed around with each other behind her. There was so much they needed to work through, so much that they brushed under the rug, how their past choices have consequences. That world is gray, but in these moments the world seemed yellow and full of possibilities. 

If she were being honest this weekend wasn’t just for Mac, it was for all of them. They adjusted to this new reality pretty quickly, especially Bozer, but that didn’t mean it didn’t come with its own slow deterioration of their minds, emotions, and definitely the body. Lately, everything seemed so much more serious, and grown-up she scoffed in her mind. They were at the entrance of their 30s, she supposed they were meant to grow up a bit now. 

“Riley” Bozer called, she turned to see him waving her over. “Come on, let’s take a picture.”

So she did, because these are the moments she needed to remember, did remember whenever she was seconds from death. They gathered together, Mac behind her, Bozer next to her, and Jack behind Bozer. She felt Mac’s hand on her hip pulling her back towards his chest, she could feel the rise and fall of it and the heat that he radiated. Bozer pointed the camera up and yelled _'cheese'_ as they all smiled towards it. After snapping a couple he was satisfied, which Riley was happy for because she needed to put some distance between Mac and herself. 

“Man I’m getting some good stuff here!” Bozer exclaimed looking through all the pictures. 

Mac explained that the Joshua trees or Yucca brevifolia weren’t trees at all but succulent, that Joshua tree was named by some Mormon settlers, explained the strange rock formation, and how the weather differed upon the mountains from the scorching heat below. How climate change was effecting these strange and alluring plants, as well as the desert itself. Dazzling them with random stuff that Mac seemed to know about everything. Riley assumed other than his good looks, women fell for this part of him as well. 

Next, they found their way to skull rock, Jack climbed up with excitement. Claiming something about it being an awesome profile picture. They spent the day hiking up the blunders stopping in a shady cove with a cool breeze for lunch. Laughing about old missions and how it would’ve been great to have water or food all the time they were stuck somewhere. There are a few jabs about needing to work out more as they all huffed up a particularly sloppy path. The day passed with laughter, and a few times Mac offered Riley his hand to help her up or down. Deciding to leave the Barker dam for tomorrow they headed towards the campsite.

They got to their reserved spot at the Hidden Valley campsite just an hour before sunset, enough time to set up camp. They had brought 2 tents and of course, the very awkward conversation of who would share with Riley drifted in the air, Jack of course had thoughts. Bozer simply said he didn’t care who he shared with but already knew that it wouldn’t be Riley if Jack or Mac had anything to say about it. 

“Maybe one of us should stand guard, you know,” Jack said with his hands on his hips. 

Riley’s brows perked up, “because?”

“Snakes, coyotes...I mean we’re in the desert. It’s dangerous out here,” He shrugged. 

“We’re in a campsite, and honestly that’s not the worst we’ve handled, we’ll be careful. We should all get sleep.” Riley rolled her eyes. While it all seemed silly, she nervously chided herself that she had slept with Mac the night before, and this time what would be the difference? But she also remembered how this morning her heart felt like it would leap out of her chest, how her breath caught looking at him, and most of all how this was torture for her. 

“I’ll share with Riley if that’s ok? We’ve gotten used to each other's nightly routines since she’s moved in.” Mac casually said. 

As if this was news to Jack he looked at them, “wait, what? What do you mean since she moved in?” He narrowed his eyes at Riley and Mac. “You two are living together?”

Riley laughed, “Yeah, thought I had mentioned it to you on one of our calls.” she said as she went to work on helping Bozer set up camp. 

“Umm, no, you did not mention this,” Jack said, turning to follow her. 

Mac also laughed, “what’s the big deal anyway?”

Leave it to Jack to make a fuss about nothing really, but then again it wasn’t nothing. Jack continued his mumbling about how he didn’t know how he felt about this newfound information and pouted while Riley shook her head in disbelief. 

“Jack, Aubrey and I were living together, we broke up and I needed a place to stay. Mac helped me out. That’s all!”

“Why didn’t you go crash at mine?” Jack asked in a whine. “Also, do I need to kick this Aubrey's ass? What kind of name is Aubery anyway?”

Mac smiled at the older man’s ranting, he sure missed Jack.

“No Jack you don’t need to kick his ass, Aubery is a perfectly good name and I didn’t even know if you kept your place, you left so suddenly remember!” Riley didn’t mean for it to come out as an accusation, but it did come out. Everything changed after he left. Jack clamped down quickly and looked at her with an apology in his eyes. 

Bozer trying to diffuse the situation simply said “Jack calm down, Riley is moving out soon anyway,” as soon as the words left his mouth he stopped what he was doing and looked up to where both Riley and Mac were looking at him, intensely at that. His eyes darted from Riley who looked annoyed to Mac whose expression was unreadable. He’d fucked up.

Riley slowly glanced at Mac who didn’t meet her eyes. It was Jack who broke the silence. “Ok, so you’re moving out. Where is the new place? Is it in a good neighborhood?” 

“Umm, yea, it’s downtown,” she said softly. 

Mac made no moves to comment, if he were being honest he didn’t know how to feel or react to this news. He just assumed that she’d be there always, as stupid as that sounded. He’d grown accustomed to her being around. To their routines, to their drives to and from work. He didn’t realize how much he missed having someone around until she moved in. Once again that dark voice whispered, he was getting left behind, he was alone. He cleared his throat, “I’ll go grab the rest of the stuff from the truck.”

Riley watched him walk away, Bozer quietly walked up to her and softly said, “Sorry, it just slipped out.”

“Don’t worry about it, he was going to find out sooner or later.” she shrugged, but her heart did feel heavy. She didn’t know what she expected but, that wasn’t the response she was looking for. Maybe he didn’t care as much as she thought he would. Why did she think it would be a big deal anyway? 

Jack felt the shift in energy but said nothing more, he would find out what really was going on from Bozer later. He knew something was happening between Mac and Riley if that dance from the night before was something to go by, but suddenly he realized it wasn’t all straightforward as he thought. 

Within the hour they were set up, Bozer already had everything prepped for their dinner. They sat and watched the sky explode with orange, pink, purple, and blues as twilight set in, Riley thought her insides would explode from how beautiful it was and of course from how pathetic she felt.

“Man it sure is beautiful here,” Jack said looking up at the sky, feeling grateful to have lived to see another sunset. “Can’t take these for granted, ya know?”

Bozer nodded next to him. “Yea until I was almost dying every other day I don’t think I appreciate the everyday things. Getting shot, stabbed, or almost blown up sure does change your perspective.”

This earned him a round of chuckles, finally, the air was getting less tense. They sat in a comfortable silence watching as the lights from distant stars started to make their appearance. Each had thoughts they processed in their own heads. Once the sky was almost blue, Bozer decided to start cooking dinner, they all gathered around to help or mostly watch. They shared their meal in the same way they did most meals, laughing, and teasing. 

A little after Riley excused herself, Mac’s eyes followed her for a second before Jack stole his attention back. She needed a minute, she told herself, so she quietly slipped away. Later when Bozer voiced the absence of Riley, something Mac had been keeping track of, he offered to go looking for her, neither Jack nor Bozer protested.

II

He came to find her sitting on a boulder not far from their camp, a blanket beneath her and earphones in, “Hey,” he said handing her one of the beers he stashed in his pockets. A peace offering of sorts, the unspoken lingered between them. He decided to leave the whole her moving out, out of his mind for now. He’d talk to her about it once they were back home.

“Thanks,” she said, taking the bottle as she pulled her plugs out and paused her music. 

He sat down next to her, they sat in silence for a while. Watching as the star spilled across the sky, entire galaxies were on display, along with Saturn, Jupiter, and a couple of random satellites. And as if the universe was working with them, a bight big full moon was coming up on the horizon.

“Makes you feel insignificant doesn't it?”

“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.” He said back to her. 

She grinned, “Calvin and Hobbes. Nice one.”

“Yeah, for a boy and his imaginary tiger they sure were profound.” Mac sighed, lips curving up to a smile. “We’re just a speck of dust in this infinite universe.” his face turned up towards the sky.

“Makes all the stuff we stress about seem so stupid doesn’t it?” She asked. Like her being worried about moving out and being hurt by him not caring about it. 

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I think each person has a struggle right, and in our bubble it outweighs other things happening outside of that bubble.” 

“That’s what I mean, every day we see the worst situations. Don't our problems seem trivial?” She asked, leaning back on her hands, turning her head to look at him. The glow of the moon making his golden hair seem silver almost, and his eyes a cobalt blue. 

“What problem do you have that seems trivial in this vastness?” he asked, his eyes searching her face. Now wasn’t the time to ask why she felt the need to move out, he didn’t want to taint this moment, but it weighed on him and he wondered if he could even wait until they were back home. At this moment surrounded by all the natural wonders, she was the most beautiful thing to him. Man, he’d been so stupid to have not seen her before. 

She shrugged, “I think I’m getting older, a lot of things that I used to focus on...just doesn’t seem important anymore.”

He nodded his head softly, he understood what she meant, he felt similarly, or maybe they were just excuses to not really deal with things since he told himself that he needed to save the world. But he also knew what Jack would say if he voiced this out loud, that his head wasn’t in the game, he was distracted, and it had nothing to do with maturity. The loss of his entire family being the topper on his list of shit to sort through. He was all alone in this world rang through him. 

As if she read his mind, “but some things are important.”

“You know, sitting here, I feel even more lost. And even though I’m surrounded by people I feel utterly alone.” He finally voiced it, it was always easy to tell her these almost nihilistic thoughts he carried with him. 

Her heart hurt because she knew exactly what he meant. She’s felt this way so many times over the years, even when she was with Kai and Peyton. “Sometimes we take a turn and lose the way, but do you remember what you once said to me? That I had you, Matty, Bozer? That you guys would help me find myself?”

He did remember saying those words, remembered how his chest tightened at the sight of her, how he tried to keep his cool and not chase Billy down and break his face. He wasn’t kidding about burning stuff. But more than burning things, he wanted her to be ok. He needed her to be ok, to know that he’d be there for her. Of course, he knew that Matty and Bozer would be there for her, but he was too afraid to stand alone and say she had him, but she did. 

Realization dawned on him that he’d set the world on fire for her, he’d pretty much do anything for her. That his newfound feelings for her weren’t so new. He’s gotten so good at suppressing his feeling of anger, sadness, and abandonment that it never occurred to him that he might be suppressing all kinds of other feelings. Fuck he’s been just utterly oblivious, his mind raced through every moment since he’s met her and suddenly his words, his actions almost seem not his own. 

Even the fact that she was so open with love bothered him, he had predicted that Billy wouldn’t last, but they did last a lot longer than he anticipated or maybe even wanted. At the time he told himself that it was logical it wouldn't work out considering they lived in different states and had very little in common but now all of those thoughts and moments seem to take on a life of their own, that deep down he’d always wanted her relationships to fail. The darker side of him confirmed in his mind that he was fucked up, why would she ever want him? 

“Mac?” Riley called softly, reaching out to touch his hand, bringing him back to the present.

“I do remember, still can’t believe you didn’t want to burn his stuff.” 

Riley laughed, “Yea well that unfortunate event aside, what you said solidified something in me, that void I felt all of my life, you helped me find myself from the moment you gave me a second chance Mac.” Her hand reached for his gave him a squeeze. “So, if you’re lost, you have me, Jack, Matty, Bozer, Russ, and even Desi. We’ll help you find yourself. We’ll be your family. You’re not alone, ever. I gave you my word.” Even if she moved out, she’d always be there. 

Her words hit him deeply, he felt his eyes glass a little. He didn’t realize just how much he needed to know that he wasn’t drifting, that she'd be his anchor. He held her hand tightly, he wanted to say so many things but nothing seemed to come out, but when he turned to look at her, she was smiling at him with the kindest eyes and he realized that he loves her, that her moving out wasn’t really about the move at all. 

So for the second night in a row, she sat with his fingers laced in hers and wordlessly grounded him. He’d be ok being an insignificant speck of dust as long as she was next to him. He couldn’t understand his father fully until this moment, what it must've felt like for him to lose his best friend, how much anguish it probably caused him when his mother died. He wasn’t excusing him fully but he was starting to understand. So under the galaxies spread across them, Mac made a promise to become the man that could be good enough for Riley Davis not just as her significant other if she’ll have him, but as her friend, and as her person. 

She used her free hand to put one earplug back then putting the other in his ear and brushing back his hair. She pressed play on her phone, he’ll have to steal her playlist when they get back, he decided as they listen to John Legend's “U move, I move.” and watched stray meteors fall across the sky. 

_” When I'm lost, you give me order  
Pull me back and push me forward  
Take me in and hold me, hold me closer  
I'll follow you up and over  
You control me, fast and slow”_  


_” When you move, I move  
Move, I'm caught in your groove  
Yeah, I'm gonna stay right next to you  
Wherever you're going, I'm going too”_

II

Jack spotted them from down below where they set up camp, he felt Bozer coming to stand next to him. “You think they’ll work it out?” Bozer asked.

“I dunno, Mac’s got a lot of house cleaning to do up here,” Jack said pointing to his own head, “I love them both, but I worry.”

Bozer nodded, “I get that, but you know that Mac would never intentionally hurt Riley.”

“It’s the unintentionally I’m worried about. Riley’s been through a lot over the years, hell, even I hurt her. I don’t think she can handle another big loss, and neither can Mac” Jack said now facing Bozer. “There is no one I trust more to protect her, but I don’t know that he can protect her from himself.”

Bozer took in the situation, Jack Dalton was only this serious when something that he cared about was in danger. While he agreed that Mac had work to do mentally and emotionally, he also wondered if Jack would be against Macriley, yea he gave them a couple name already. “You’re not gonna try to stop this are you?” He asked, squinting his eyes slightly, “cause I don’t think that’s gonna go down well.”

Jack played offended, “excuse me? No, I’m not gonna try to stop two grown people from making their _OWN_ decisions.” he then quickly looked away and said, “but I might advise against it for now.”

Bozer pulled his lips to the side and rolled his eyes. “Come on Jack, we shouldn’t be getting involved in that,” he said pointing in the direction of the boulder. 

“Look Boz, all I’m saying is that they need time,” Jack said with his hand out in front of him, forehead creasing.

“Dude, have you seen the way those two are dancing around each other? It’ll be months before they make any kind of moves. Riley is convinced she’ll get over him, Mac’s oblivious to how she feels. It’ll be more than a slow burn, it’ll be like watching paint dry while setting yourself on fire.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Jack asked, confused. 

“Which part?” Bozer exclaimed.

“The part about Riley trying to get over her feelings, but also what the hell kind of description is that?!”

Bozer looked down and nodded, “yeah, Riley told me she’ll get over her feelings for Mac, she doesn’t want to ruin what we all have.”

Jack quietly assessed this, man shit really got heavy while he was away. Bozer continued, “then there is the whole Desi thing.”

“What Desi thing?” asked Jack.

“Mac and Desi and dating and it ending badly then they started up again only to have it end badly again. Macsi-messi!” He said, explaining. 

“She did what?!” Asked Jack, “that is not what I had in mind when I asked her to watch his back!”

Bozer shrugged as he sat down by the fire, “look man, it happens, but I was not for it at all. Things get complicated when Mac catches feelings.”

“You’re telling me, remember Nicki?!” Jack asked. 

“That’s what I said!” Bozer exclaimed. “But Riley thought it was ok.”

Jack ran his hand over his head, “wait, wait, I feel like this is some teen drama, so Riley was ok with Mac and Desi dating, she was dating someone and now she has feelings for Mac? Mac clearly has feelings for Riley. And Desi is still around.”

“Yup, the messiest teen drama, even CW would be proud.” Bozer said as he prepared his marshmallows for s’mores.

“Damn…” Jack said now a new layer of worry came over him. He was going to have to diffuse this situation very carefully, find out where everyone stood, and help steer everyone into the safe path. Popping a marshmallow into his mouth he chewed thoughtfully working on a plan. These kids were lost without him.

Mac and Riley joined them shortly after, they roasted marshmallows and made s’mores and Bozer burned the tip of his tongue trying to eat too fast. Jack watched Riley and Mac eye each other over the fire and tried not to react. Mac watched almost mesmerized as Riley licked her lips and fingers slowly where she kept getting smudges of chocolate and marshmallows, it was agonizing because all he wanted to do was lick it off himself. When it was time for bed, Jack didn’t protest as Riley said goodnight, and shortly after Mac joined her. They were all adults, respectful adults.

II

The next morning Mac woke up first, his eyes adjusting to the light, then to Riley who was still asleep next to him, breathing evenly, her arm thrown over her head and other across her stomach. He sighed and laid back to stare at the green of the tent. His heart was racing, his mind hazy.

He quickly went over every relationship that he’s had. Nicki was fatal, Desi was a disaster. Could he chance it with Riley? With Nicki and Desi at least they didn’t have to divide up friends. But Riley was a core part of his life, of his friends, of Phoenix. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“You done brooding?” Riley mumbled softly next to him. 

He turned to see that she had shifted to her side and was now facing him, eyes still closed but a playful smile on her lips. “Morning.”

She finally slowly opened her eyes and blinked the sleep away, “morning.”

He wanted to wake up with her like this, he wanted her to be next to him when he opened his eyes, wanted a sleepy Riley making jokes that he could kiss off her face. But is what he wanted superficial? Could he make it last? What if he’s the problem? 

“I see you’re thinking wheels are in motion. Are you doing some equation or planning an experiment?” She asked, finally sitting up and looking down at him. 

He laughed, “Am I pulling a face?”

She smiled at him, “you always have a face. It’s figuring out which direction it’s going that helps me whoop your ass every time we play Mario kart.”

“So you admit that you’re cheating?” He said now sitting up quickly.

She feigned being insulted, “not my fault that you gave away your thoughts. I use what I can get!” She shrugged, “come on let’s get some coffee and get started with the day, it’ll get too hot in a few hours.”

She unzipped the tent and headed out as she heard him scrambling after her “Hey, you don’t get off that easily!”

Bozer was already up making breakfast, Riley walked up to him and beamed. “Boz did anyone tell you that you’re too good for this world?”

Bozer grinned at her as he handed her a cup of coffee, “yeah, yeah. Morning by the way.”

“Have you been up long?” Asked Mac taking the offered cup. 

“Nah, maybe like 20 minutes. I figured I’d get things started then start banging pots.” He smiled. “you’ve been sleeping in,” a matter of fact statement, taking a rather loud sip of his coffee.

Mac cleared his throat, “yea, I’ve been getting decent sleep. Maybe vacation is what I needed.”

Riley smiled into her cup, truly glad something good was coming out of this. Bozer “mmhmmed” and went back to focusing on breakfast.

Jack soon joined them and they planned their day out over breakfast. 45 minutes later they packed up camp and soon they were on their way to see Barker Dam.

Barker Dam was beautiful, the contrast of boulders surrounding the waters as the reflection of the sky sat on the water was breathtaking. The early morning brings with it a particular freshness to the air. They did the trail all the way around and all collectively agreed that it was amazing. Deciding that maybe going back to the house after another round of hiking and hanging by the pool would be nice. Jack had his motivation of seeing Carla, and Bozer found a hippie art installation he wanted to check out in town. Riley was mostly game for whatever, Mac also agreed that while he enjoyed camping, that it would be nice to check out Carla’s cafe and just relax at the house. So when the heat was peaking around noon they packed back into the car and drove back towards town. 

Carla’s Cafe was a very cute little place, very country chic. She smiled at them when she walked through the door. They decided to have lunch there and catch up with her. It dawned on everyone just how easy it was to be normal, to pretend that they weren't due back in a few days to save the world. And Carla was right, she may not know Think Tanks but she definitely did know coffee, cause it was some of the best coffee they all had, along with a vegan chocolate chip cookie that tasted like a normal chocolate chip cookie. There was something warm and homey about Carla; they all agreed quietly. 

They invited Carla over for a barbeque later that evening and let her get back to work. They next checked out Bozer’s hippie street art installations, Mac was pleasantly surprised to see the ingenuity in the pieces and Macsplained things to them and Bozer took a million pictures. Jack mostly seemed confused but kept chipper at the idea of seeing Carla later.

II

They had returned late afternoon and decided that they would go straight to the pool. After a couple of hours lazing around, Riley showered and got ready for Carla’s visit. Bozer released Riley from any tasks regarding dinner, claiming the ladies would be chilling tonight, but Carla insisted on helping, but Riley was happy to slip away for a bit.

Riley sipped her beer with her feet in the pool, Humming a song she had stuck in her head. Hearing the back door open and close she knew that someone was headed her way. While she appreciated all the time they were all getting together, these one on one talks were also a lot of emotional processing. She took a quiet deep breath and prepared herself. 

It was Jack, she smiled at him as he lowered himself next to her and dipped his feet in the pool. “How are you doing sweetheart?” Ever since he came back his endearments for her have been completely free-flowing. She actually kind of liked it. 

“Well, can’t complain.” she shrugged at him, using her feet to make slow waves in the water. 

“No we can’t, can we?” He asked leaning back on his hands and looking up at the sky. 

“Where’s Carla? You know you should make the best of this. She seems great.” 

Jack raised a brow, “you actually like her? Thought you didn’t like any of my lady friends.”

Riley snorted, “I didn’t like Dawn for obvious reasons. Carla on the other hand seems normal and kind.”

“There lies the problem,” Jack sighed. “She’s normal, and stable and probably doesn’t need to be involved with a man who makes a living getting shot at on a daily basis.”

She remembered when she had asked Mac if they were all too damaged to maintain normal relationships, Even with Desi and Leannah who was in their line of work the guys couldn’t seem to make it work. “I don’t know, maybe just see where it goes.”

“Yea, we’ll see…” He said softly. “What about you?”

“What about me?” she asked looking at him with a lopsided smile. 

“Any guy I need to have a chat with?” He asked about making mock punching motions. 

Riley laughed, “No, no one at the moment. I tried though and it almost lasted long enough for me to think that I might have loved him.” She admitted honestly for the first time. Aubrey was everything a girl could ask for, kind, funny, smart, a great cook. “But living with a person who willingly put herself in danger wasn’t something he was cut out for.”

“His loss.” He shrugged, “If a guy can’t see just how amazing you are, he’s not worth your time.”

That was true, but also she found it tiring that people said things like that but never questioned or held both parties accountable, she couldn’t fault Aubery for wanting a normal life, for wanting to not have bullet holes in the kitchen cabinets. To have a relationship with a woman who could come home and tell him about her day. It was perfectly fair for him to want those things, just like it was ok for her to walk away when posed with the question if she would or rather could walk away from the life of being a spy. But everything felt heavy, the constant shift was part of life sure, but they shifted hour to hour sometimes, There was a new threat being created from old mistakes and she didn’t know how Mac handled it all but she sure as hell struggled with it. 

But it was also exhaustingly long to explain all of this to Jack, not because he’s hardheaded, but because she knew he’d take her side no matter the argument. “Yea probably. I think maybe being alone for a while is what I need. Reevaluate what I want.” She placed her cheek on her shoulder. “So much happened, Jack, the weight of it, sometimes I feel like it’s crushing me.”

Jack reached out and drew her closer, she instantly placed her head on his shoulder, “I know honey, but that don’t mean you give up on love. Especially if it’s staring at you in the face.”

She looked up at him with questions in her eyes. Did Jack know about her feelings? Honestly, she was getting tired of pretending. Jack smiled at her affectionately. “If you found someone who makes your heart race and makes you better then you fight for it. You make it work. And you don’t let them go.”

What could she say to this, that she had watched Mac and Desi fall for each other day by day and smiled through it cause she thought why not? That she was so oblivious to her feelings that she didn’t even realize that something felt heavy in her chest the whole time while she smiled at their flirtings. It wasn’t that she was bad at keeping in touch after Phoenix was shut down, it was intentionally unintentional she realized later. She was a bad friend and girlfriend. She was fooling everyone and herself it seemed. She felt like a liar, and like she betrayed Desi and Mac. After Germany, she revisited every exchange with Mac and questioned the motivation behind it. She lost herself sometimes in the authentication process. Was it that she wanted to keep Aubery for herself or was it that she didn’t want Mac to know?

Add to her turmoil about her time as Artemis37 and N3mesis, and she was a hot mess that was pretending to keep it together cause she’s had years of practice pretending. Mac wasn’t the only one who carried the weight of Philip Lasky’s death, her’s was wrapped up in another layer of angst over the fact that her past had put Mac in such a place to have to make such a decision. How could he love her? How could he forgive her for that? They didn't even stand a chance. Suddenly she felt tired. 

Jack watched the storm behind her eyes, he knew that she was battling herself. “You can always talk to me.” He said softly, “about anything.”

She nodded and gave him a weak smile. “I know.”

They were interrupted by laughing Bozer and Carla walking out with plates of food ready for the grill. Carla looked over at them and smiled. “You guys doing ok?” She was very perceptive. 

Jack took a second more to look at Riley, then he beamed at Carla, “yea just having a catch-up, ya know.” Riley smiled in agreement.

“Well, I hope you guys are ready for this grill. Carla is a queen with marinade.” Bozer doing a chef’s kiss imitation.

“Where’s Mac?” asked Jack. 

“I think he’s taking a shower, said he’d be out in a minute.” Bozer supplied as he fired up the grill. 

As if on cue Mac walked through the door all smiles, and Riley felt that same surge of energy. He did that for her, when she felt run down just looking at him made her feel better, she scoffed at her own state of goneness. He grabbed a beer and came to sit next to her by the pool. Shoulders brushing as he leaned towards her. She felt as if she were in purgatory, while she loved spending time with him, being near him, it was also just keeping her suspended. She didn't know when her mind became heavy but it did. She looked towards him as he laughed at something Jack said. She said she'd get over him, but how was she going to actually pull that off?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments! I hope you like this chapter as well and soon things will pick up a little more. As always please let me know what you think. Enjoy and thank you for reading! <3

Carla was the queen of the marinade if the scent of their dinner was any indication, they set the table on the front porch that faced west which was perfect for a view of the sunset. Mac watched as she placed the plates on the placemats, he was tasked with the cutlers. He couldn’t help but smile at how surreal their life was. 

“What?” she asked when she caught him smiling to himself. 

“Nothing, just that amidst all the craziness, we have moments like these and I don’t know it just seemed so out of the blue.” he shrugged, “never mind, I’m not making any sense.”

“No, I get what you mean. I always thought that about our after mission celebrations. One minute we were hanging off a building, the next were eating freshly made bread.” 

“I worked hard on that bread!” He exclaimed, chuckling. 

She laughed, “it was really good!”

“We learned to weave normal with the abnormal.” He finally said softly, “I think we’re probably more balanced than most people who are in our line of work.”

“That’s for sure,” she agreed. “Largely due to what your dad and Matty built.” She knew his dad was still a raw subject but it was also true that if there was an organization that was worth working for it would be the Phoenix. 

Mac took a moment to think about his father, the man who was absent most of his life, then gone just as he made an effort to get to know him. But Riley was right, his father did help keep them balanced and safe, he didn’t realize just by how much until recently. “Yea.” he smiled.

“Hey, you know that if you want to talk. Daddy talks are my specialty and kinda our thing.” She gave him a reassuring smile.

He chuckled, it was kind of their fucked up thing to talk about how they’d work things out with their absentee fathers. He gave her a nod but said nothing more. He knew that he could talk to her about just about anything, the only thing is talking about her to her. He watched her again, as she methodically lit and placed candles around the porch, when he was caught she simply shrugged, “It’s cozy, besides, setting the mood for Jack.”

“I heard my name, I came bearing drinks,” he said as he held out beers to them. “Looks nice out here.”

“Thanks,” said Riley, taking the offered bottle and tapping it against his. 

They stood watching the sky change colors, it was still pretty warm and the cold beer was welcomed. Jack took a sip of his beer and gave a low whistle, “man, I gotta say I am not getting tired of seeing the sky do that.”

Mac smiled, “yea it’s pretty amazing.”

“You guys remember Antigua, that crazy op? I think this sunset could rival that one” Riley said.

“You guys went to Antigua?” Carla asked as she came up behind them.

Jack threw his arms around her shoulders, “yea, we occasionally get to travel for work.”

“I never knew think tanks did that.” She said now also looking at the start of a sunset.

“Sometimes we collaborate, which requires a bit of travel on our part. Other times, we go to Puerto Rico on vacation to build houses.” Riley said recalling that vacation as she gave Mac a smile. 

Carla chuckled, “so you guys often take vacations together?”

“We’re close.” Mac simply said to which Carla nodded her understanding. 

“You guys seem to enjoy each other’s company.” She squeezed Jack's hand. “Good to have people you like around.”

Mac glanced at Riley and then Jack, it sure was. Things were starting to feel like they used. He didn’t feel like he was a prisoner in his own head just watching his life play out. He thought about his mom, and then his dad. He thought about how they both wanted to change the world, wanted to help people. How he wanted to do the same and he had people around him that wanted to do the same. 

“Who's ready for dinner?” Asked Bozer waltzing in with a platted filled with grilled meats and veggies, looking like the proud feeder he was. 

As it turned out Carla was definitely the queen of marinades, they devoured their dinner, Jack cooed about how a woman who can cook, which earned him a kick to the shin from Riley. 

“Darling, you got other gifts!” he exclaimed.

It was all banter and finding out more about Carla and why she decided to move from LA to here. She got tired of pretending and just wanted to live life on her own terms was her answer. Her answer resonated with them all.

II

Jack and Carla decided to go back into town, cause he wanted to take her dancing but really it was to have some “grown-up” time alone. To which Mac and Riley rolled their eyes, Jack had a way of treating them like they were 12, as if they all haven’t had “grown-up” time alone before. Bozer also conveniently had a “date” with one of the girls he danced with on their first night in town, and he wanted to give her the full Bozer experience. They politely asked Riley and Mac if they’d like to join them but of course, they knew better than to have accepted.

They said their goodbyes, Jack made funny eyes at them and told them to behave and to call if anything came up as Carla pulled him away. 

“Guess it’s just us,” he said shrugging across from her. 

“I've had worse company.” her lips turning as she held her wine glass to her chest. 

“Good to know, I’m not way down there on your list,” he said 

“You? Never!” she teased him with a roll of her eyes and curved lips. 

They decided to light a fire, it was a comfortable 68° and the perfect temperature for it. Mac was tasked with the fire while she was in charge of grabbing them another round of drinks and snacks. They laughed about a few times Jack had a complete breakdown about the stupidest things. Mac told her about Bozer’s crush in middle school, and how he thought if he gave her a mixtape she’d understand his feelings. At one point they just sat and listened to the crackle of the fire and the music that played in the background, currently, it was “fear of the sea” By The Satellite Station. She supposed they lit fires to decompress from things that happen to them. The smokey scent brings them back to safety, helps them to center on what was home. 

“So you found a place?” He finally brought it up, he needed to know.

She swallowed and slowly glanced up at him, this conversation was bound to happen. She chastised herself that she was upset that he didn’t care and now she was anxious cause he’d brought it up. She told herself to get a grip. “I mean, staying at yours was supposed to be temporary while I found my own place. I don’t want to intrude anymore.”

“Intrude?!” He asked incredulously, his heart racing and panic setting in. It wasn’t lost on him that he faced greater dangers and he didn’t feel this way. “You were never intruding. I told you that you could stay as long as you liked.”

She sighed, “I should’ve left a long time ago,”

“Why? Is living with me so terrible?” He asked with a skeptical laugh.

Living with him was a lot easier than she thought it would be, easier than when she was living with Aubrey. They could at least talk about their day, could comfort each other, there were no pretenses of being someone else. The irony was that she was completely and wholly herself with him. So, no, it wasn’t terrible, and that was why she needed to leave. She laughed at this, “actually living with you was one of the easiest experiences of my life so far.”

He watched her carefully, she chewed her bottom lip. She was nervous. He knew all her tells at this point just as she knew his. Knew that she got cold that’s why she had endless stylish jackets in her closet. They had reached a level of intimacy and understanding that he hadn’t achieved with another woman ever before. “So? Why then?”

She rolled her head and looked at him, “I wanted to give you and Desi space.”

Oh. So it was about that. He held her eyes for a second before looking down at the fire. “We didn’t need the space.” 

But she did, she needed to get away from them, “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out.” She really was, despite her feelings, she wanted them to be happy. That’s why she wanted to remove herself from the situation. 

He clicked his tongue and shook his head, “I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to start again.” He did know. After Germany, and after finding out Riley was seeing someone and it was serious, he felt like he needed to try again even though all those things he’d told Riley about his relationship with Desi still stood. They weren’t right for each other. “She was there and I was being stupid.”

“Love does that.” She simply said. She couldn’t blame him for feeling the way he did.

“I don’t think I did, love her, I think I wanted to, I felt like I desperately wanted to, to the point that love had nothing to do with it. I was selfish and self-absorbed.” He admitted. “I think the real truth, the dark truth was that I was willing to sacrifice our relationship for Codex.”

She watched him deeply, the emotions were so raw, he was telling her the truth, she saw the struggle that was happening even now. “I don’t believe that you would’ve.”

He found her eyes and pressed his lips together, “I don’t know that I wouldn’t. Sacrifice for the greater good. Crazy right?” he scrubbed his face, “I’m so fucked up.”

“I’m fucked up too,” she admitted because what was the point of telling him that he wasn’t. If they were being honest the last few months they were put in positions to make fucked up decisions or the decisions they made in the past came back to haunt them and influenced people’s lives in fucked up ways. Her mind wandered to Peyton again. They needed to be accountable. “I made selfish decisions that put others in danger, my mom, my friends. I put you in a position that required you to make a choice that still and will haunt you, that you blame yourself for.”

Her words washed over him, she wasn’t being defensive, just pure honesty flowed out of her. He had no idea that she blamed herself for the same thing he blamed himself for. He’d been so busy feeling troubled by his actions, that he didn’t stop to consider that she might be right there with him. “Riles, you didn’t make me do anything.” he sighed, “I think what happened that day was a long time coming. We’ve been living in a sheltered bubble, I know that seems ironic, but I do understand Codex to an extent. Tough choices for the greater good. My dad thought the same.”

“But I set in motion a chain of events.” She tried to argue, she knew what he was saying made complete sense. Of course, it did, they constantly got away with the best outcome, but reality set in, they no longer had the luxury of saving everyone or thinking that they had. “If anyone should shoulder that burden, the guilt, it should be me.”

He chuckled softly, “you’re so beautiful,” the words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about it. 

Riley froze, her heart pounded in her chest, he thought she was beautiful? In what regard? Was he drunk already? She felt her cheeks warm as a reaction. Mac’s explanation halted everything. 

“Since the day we met, you’ve been so righteous. You’re so brave you know that?” He said eyes glistening with fondness, “Here you are taking responsibility for something that was out of your control, your goodness is one of the things that I admire about you, it's beautiful.”

She scoffed at him lightly, “my goodness? You would die for a random stranger. If anyone is winning pageants, it’s you.”

Suddenly they both broke into laughter. The utter absurdity of the situation brings strange mirth to their bones. Like that time in Georgia, when he joked that he needed to do more cardio and they laughed for a good five minutes cause holy cow they had done that.

“You don’t have to feel guilty,” he said after a beat. She shook her head to disagree but then he continued, “But if you can’t let it go, let's share the burden of this guilt until we can forgive ourselves. 50/50 custody of it.”

She found laughter bubbling up again, “deal, 50/50.”

His lips curved up and he nodded his head gently, She nodded back. If they were fucked up, then they could be fucked up together. If there are weights to carry, they would do it together. It wasn’t lost on either of them just how easily this came to them. 

“I know you made up your mind, but, you really don’t have to move out. Especially now that Desi and I don’t need the space.” She chewed the inside of her mouth, she didn’t have any good reason to leave or to stay. As if he saw her need for an incentive he added softly, “I like having you there.” It wasn’t meant to be emotional manipulation, just a simple statement of a fact. Because he did, who didn’t want to live with their best friend?

“You never know what could happen. Maybe your relationship had some unfair strains. Maybe, there is a chance you might work it out.” She rationalized more for herself than him but those were all valid points. 

“Desi and I are done for sure. I don’t want to go backward.” He looked at her waiting for her eyes to meet his. “I don’t want to be stuck in the past. Not anymore.”

She didn’t either, but what do they do about her ever-growing feelings? She didn’t want to be stuck in the past but in the present, this new reposition of her feelings threatened the very thing that made them, them. “I get that.” was all she could muster. 

“So, are you seeing anyone? Dating people?” he asked again leaning back in his chair with a lazy smile. Would she tell him? He’d like to think that they were closer, but than again he thought that before too.

She smiled and shook her head, “nope, not much time in that department lately. Besides Aubery and I weren’t that long ago.”

“Did you love him?” he asked softly.

“I almost did, I think. Does that sound stupid?” She asked, looking at him.

He pulled his lips in and then out to the side, it made complete sense actually. “No, it doesn’t. I think we spend so much time wanting to love and be loved that we forget to actually do it.” he shrugged. 

“Have you loved someone recently or ever?” she asked, heart, pounding just a bit harder.

His fingers played with the beer bottle label. “I think I have loved someone for a while.” 

Someone, who was this person? Riley wondered, could it be Nasha, could it be Nicki, Sam, or someone else? Honestly, she started to realize the revolving door of women that were in Mac’s life. She didn’t know if she wanted to push, the possible answer made her anxious. 

“What about you? Billy?” he asked while watching her trying to figure out who it could possibly be, he wondered if she entertained the idea of herself as someone he could be in love with. 

She shrugged again, “I don’t know, I was so hurt by BIlly that I thought I was in love with him. But honestly, I’m not sure. I loved someone for a long time I think, maybe that’s why loving everyone else just doesn’t seem to work out.”

Unlike her, he wanted to know, “who is the lucky guy?”

 _You_ she wanted to say. Could she say it? What if she told him right now? Would he say he loves her too? Would he let her down easy? “He’s pretty amazing actually.” she found herself saying. “But that’s all I’ll say on the matter.”

“Thought you weren't seeing anyone,” he challenged her. 

“I’m not!” she exclaimed, taking a quick sip of her beer. 

“So then? What’s all the mystery for?” he asked laughing.

“You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine” she bluffed. 

That seemed to shut him up, as he smiled and shrugged. Yea, she didn’t think he’d tell her. It did sting a bit that he had someone close his heart but then again she was the one sitting next to him at this moment under a sky full of stars, a warm fire, and her kick-ass playlist. If she ever needs a moment to feel Mac’s presence, she’ll think of right now, she’ll think of this weekend. 

“Is this Rob Thomas?” Mac laughed, changing the subject, “I haven’t heard this song in years. Little Wonders.”

“Yea, I kinda dig him and this song.” She chuckled, “this was my guilty pleasure back in the days of misadventure. I’m aware that the song was on a Disney soundtrack.” pointing her finger at him. “Wasted on children.” 

“Don’t tell me that it’s Rob Thomas that was your crush.” He teased.

“Oh no! No no no” she giggled through the idea.

“Nothing wrong with Rob!”

“Of course not, it’s not him though, you’ll have to do better Macgyver,” she smirked back at him. “I’m gonna grab another drink you want one?”

“Yeah sure,” he said as he watched her stand and walk towards the house, hips swaying. 

Riley came back out to find Mac standing at the edge of the hill, lost in thought, he did that a lot these days. “What’s up?” she asked as she handed him his beer.

“Thanks,” he said, taking a quick glance at her before his attention was stolen by the fire. Riley’s brows knotted together as her lips curved into a quizzical look. 

“Well?”

He didn’t say anything for a beat. “Why did you do it?”

Riley waved her hand out, “do what?”

“Trust me? Help me?” He asked, finally making eye contact with her. “You couldn’t have known that I didn’t turn.”

She saw the doubt behind his eyes as if he wasn’t sure he would've done the same for her if the roles were reversed as if he wasn’t sure that he didn’t believe in Codex’s methods. She understood the dilemma. She pressed her lips together, her head shaking softly, “because I just did. Because I just do trust you, I have from the start.”

He was blown away by her blind faith if only she knew that he doubted himself. That he wasn’t as fault-free as he’d like her to believe he was. He sighed, “I don’t know what I would've done if you weren’t there, about any of it.”

She looked down at the beer in her hand and chuckled softly, “you’re Mac, you would have figured it out.”

“No, not sure that I would’ve in that situation. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing,” he said running his fingers through his hair. “I was so desperate.” 

“But you did figure it out and you stopped a disaster from happening.” Riley reminded him.

“ _We_ did, I don’t think any of it would be possible if you weren't there. I couldn’t have done it without you.” He said softly and sincerely.

They never really talked about what happened, everything just happened so fast. The last year went by in a blur of events and losses. 

“I told you I wouldn’t miss out on all the fun,” she joked lightly but she was scared shitless while they drove towards the compound. But she truly believed that Mac wouldn’t let her down. He’s been the one man who consistently never let her down. 

He did crack a smile at that but said nothing, so after a beat, she added, “I told you, you’re never alone.”

“You kept your word.” he agreed

“And I won’t break it, no matter what happens and where we end up, I’ll always be here to listen to anything, drink beers with you, be a criminal with you.” She smiled. “Sign me up for the life long Macgyver companionship.”

“Life long huh?”

She took a sip and winked at him, “I mean yea, what else have I got going on?”

Saying thank you to her was becoming redundant. The gratitude he felt, the need he felt for her didn’t fit into a simple thank you anymore. “If I didn’t have your hand to hold that day, I think one of my worst fears would have come true.”

She remembered that moment, remembered her heart racing more from that simple act than the missile headed for them. It was in the moment that she knew that there wasn’t anyone else she’d rather be with when her time came. She often thought about that moment, emotions ranging from terror to acceptance and comfort. Her nightmares eased by his hand on hers. He meant so much to her, and her cycle of conflict over what to do continued. “I’m glad you took my hand.”

“Thanks for being there for me to take it.” He laughed, “I feel like I say thank you to you so much that it doesn’t mean anything anymore. But I’m glad you’re holding my hand through the shittiest times of my life.”

“It means something to me,” she said shrugging. “Besides I like that you owe me. I’ll be cashing in soon, don’t you worry, pretty sure I’m due a breakdown or something soon.”

“Anytime,” he said as they smiled at each other. The question burning in the back of throats, desires dancing off their skin. Once again they stood in comfortable silence, beer bottles were forgotten at their feet as they listened to the words of “Before love came to kill us” and all he wanted to do was kiss her under the open sky. Wanted to hold onto her in every way possible. 

Riley felt her heart thump, her mind screaming different things at her. To just fuck it and kiss him, to tell him that she felt so much for him, that she was sorry.

“Why not us?” He finally said almost too quietly for her to hear. His eyes dragging painfully slowly towards her own. “Why didn’t we ever give this a shot?”

She honestly thought she was zoning out from that loaded question, also because the longer she looked at him the longer any reason of doubt she had was being put to death by how much she wanted this, and now she wondered if he wanted it too.

“I don’t know...I guess we always had _other distractions_ ,” she answered carefully.

His lips curved at the term “other distractions” as a use for their past relationships. “We don’t have distractions now.” his mouth was working a lot faster than his head. 

She sucked a breath, was he suggesting what she thought? She wondered if she was drunk, she did have quite a bit to drink, but enough for this to be happening. “We don’t.”

Mac assessed just how much he was fucking things up, Found himself turned towards her fully and taking a step closer. She didn’t step away, she looked at him, he watched as her chest rose and fell faster. His own heart is pounding that he could hear it. It was a magnetic pull really the way he felt his body move towards her. 

Riley watched as his pupils dilated, as he stepped up to her. One more step and they'd be a breath away from each other. Was this actually happening? Did he want her as much as she wanted him? As if reading her mind, he took that step that brought him to her, his hands found her hips. He placed his forehead against hers, as one of his hands cupped the back of her neck. His thumb rubbing slow circles on her cheekbones. Her nickname fell from his lips.

“Riles…” he took a deep breath, taking in her scent her perfume mixed with the smell of the fire. “Tell me to stop if I’m crossing a line.”

They stared into each other eyes, she thought the time was racing and slowing all at the same time. He watched as she swallowed, he gave her the out, if she walked away then he’d live with it, but he realized he'd never wanted anything more than this in his life. 

Then her arms came up around his neck, “don’t stop.”

That was all he needed to sweep down and kiss her. A surge of energy running through them both, setting their skin on fire.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I didn't want to change the rating on this, but I think I will have the explicit version up in a couple of days if anyone is interested in reading some smut haha. Sorry if it's awkwardly worded as I didn't know how to end certain scenes without it really ending up with E rating. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the kind words and encouragement. Like you guys don't know what it means to me. This chapter isn't too long, but I didn't want to torture anyone. I highly recommend listening to Anna Leone's "My soul I" it's a beautiful song and honestly what I listened to on repeat to write most of this chapter. 
> 
> Please leave me your thoughts! Enjoy! Thank you for reading! <3

Kissing her was like breathing and losing his breath all at once. His heart pounded, his body felt alive with need. She tasted sweet and bitter from the beer. Her lips were the perfect fullness for him to hold onto for dear life. He used his hand on her hips to pull her closer. Felt her fingers in his hair and honestly wondered what took them so long to get to this point.

Riley felt like she was seeing stars, she felt each brush and pull of his lips on hers. The stroke of his tongue against her own, his calloused thumb on her skin. It wasn’t physically possible to get any closer but it was as if she needed them to be one person. Every pent up emotion coming out in the intensity of their kiss.

He walked them back towards the house with both of his hands cupping her face, stumbling their way towards the open door, his lips barely leaving hers as they made it into the living room. He sprinkled kisses all over her face, then back to her lips he went as if she was the water that would quench his thirst. 

She matched him with every kiss, she kissed him back and he thought maybe his heart might explode. All he could think about was touching her, pulling her into himself, but a silver of sense returned to him and very slowly pulled his lips away from hers. They stood wrapped up in each other's arms, ending where they began forehead pressed against each other catching their breaths. 

She opened her eyes and slowly chanced a glance at him, felt the rise and fall under her fingers where they rested over his chest, then his blue eyes were staring down at her, a small smile pulling at his lips. She found her own lips pulling into a smile. He leaned forwards and pressed another quick and hard kiss to her lips, and she returned it with just as much fervor. 

“Riley…” he whispered her name again, closing his eyes as if to get himself in control. 

She understood what he was trying to ask her, trying to tell her. They should slow down. They should _talk_ about what was happening right now. But she didn’t feel like talking anymore. She just wanted to feel again, when he kisses her, the trail of heat that his fingers leave on her skin. She felt like she’s been fighting this feeling for so long now, but having felt what it was like to kiss him, all she wanted was more.

So she lifted herself on her toes and kissed him with everything she couldn’t say, and he understood her, he was lifting her up and her legs were wrapping around him as one hand held her thigh in place the other wound around her back to hold her neck in place. He sloppily made his way back to her room, a couple of giggles in between kisses. 

He stopped in front of the bed, Riley slid down his body painfully slow. Finally, they stood face to face. Once more asking each other if they’re ready to cross this threshold wordlessly. There were soft guitar notes playing in the distance, Riley’s endless playlist just knowing when to play the right songs to set the mood it seemed. Riley vaguely remembered it was “My Soul I” by Anna Leone.

_”My soul I am broken by you  
One morning I'll wake up renewed  
Don't go love  
I need you to stay  
My soul I am broken today”_

Riley looked at Mac’s blue eyes and pulled her hair out of its bun, shaking her hair out. Then she stepped up to him and placed her hands on his chest where the buttons of his shirt began. It was slow now, to commit this to memory. This somehow felt different than any other time she was in a similar situation. 

_”And I will work out what it meant  
And I will mend you in the end  
'Cause I'll do anything to love you  
Love you  
I'll do anything to love you  
Love you”_

There were heat and urgency but it burned brighter with every delayed movement. Keeping her eyes on him, she undid the first button and waited for him to stop her, he instead raised his hand to brush her cheekbone in a feather touch, running the course to her bottom lip, then her chin which he pulled up towards him and leaned in to kiss her again.

_”It may not be easy to see  
But I'm ready  
I need to believe_

He let her unbutton his shirt slowly, he wanted to move at her pace, wanted to remember everything. Here they stood illuminated by the light from the moon that filtered in. He looked down at her and pushed the shirt that she had over her tank off her shoulders, sliding it down her arm. Feeling her soft glowing skin on the path down.

_”And I will work out what it meant  
And I will mend you in the end  
'Cause I'll do anything to love you  
Love you  
I'll do anything to love you  
Love you”_

Her breath quickened, there was something so tortuously good about the way his fingers brushed her skin, then he was leaning down to kiss her shoulder. She didn’t recognize the breathless sounds that were leaving her. She wondered how cliche it would be to say that she’s never felt so much from so little. 

Exploring another person like this was on another level of intimacy. They leisurely shed pieces of clothing, his shirt, her tank top, his jeans, and her shorts, a kiss here, a caress there. When she stood in her last pieces of clothing looking at his beautiful toned body, she felt that surge again. Everything was so gradual up until this point. Her heart was firing up again and she could see the same in his eyes. 

It’s as if the dam that kept their pace broke, and the rest was lost in clashes of tongue, strokes and so many kisses. Mac backed her on to the bed, kissing his way down her clavicle, between her beautiful breast, to her navel. Her fingers in his hair followed him, hearing her breathy intakes were encouragements, sounds he’ll remember for the rest of his life.

He kissed his way back and claimed her lips again, fingers brushing the black lace of her bra. He pulled back and searched her eyes. “Tell me to stop,” he whispered against her lips. 

She brushed back the hair that fell across his eyes, “do you want me to?”

“God, no!” he exclaimed looking down at her beautiful face.

“Don’t stop, I don’t want you to stop.” She said leaning up to catch his lips as she told him for the second time tonight not to stop. Caution be damned. 

The last of consents given, the last of their chances to back out of this inevitable situation it seems. Maybe they were making the worst mistake of their lives, or finally finding home. Mac knew that everything about this moment felt right to him. Every part of her he exposed and touched made him feel closer to her. Her beautiful body under his fingertips, his lips, and tongue filling every one of his senses. 

Sex was an important outlet, but when it meant something it just felt completely different. Being here with Riley he couldn’t even express the feeling in his chest, and in his head. Everything was technicolored and explosive. The way her nails ran down his back or her lips pressed to the side of his jaw. 

One thing was for sure he wanted to hear the sounds that she made for him again and again. He wanted to feel her touch, feel her finger laced in his hands, and hear her call his name as waves of please crashed over her. He wanted to say hers over and over again like a worship chant cause that’s what she was, a goddess he was worshipping.

II

She slept with her head on his chest, his finger absently running through strands of hair. He thought about how this didn’t make him feel insecure, people talked about finding the right person all the time, there was this almost delusional romanticism to it. But right now, in this moment he saw a future with her, saw their life together. It could be because they’d know each other for years but he had known Nicki for years too. He knew he was in love with Riley, but now in this moment of quiet revision, it wasn't some over-sexualized attraction. She felt right, this felt right, he felt whole.

He felt her shift and her eyes flutter open. He looked down at her and smiled, “hey.”

She looked at him and found her cheeks warm as memories of what happened flooded her mind, she smiled back, “Hey, how long was I out?”

“An hour, I mean you should be sleeping anyway. It’s one in the morning.” He said. 

She snuggled closer to him, “mm, so why are you up?”

He chuckled, “I don’t know, just thinking about things. Thought I’d check on the fire, see if it died out yet.”

Her eyes flew open and suddenly she was sitting up, he watched with amusement as a hand went to her face, “fuck the fire, right we didn’t lock up or anything.” the sheets falling around her tiny waist exposing her perfect breasts, he felt the stir again just looking at her. 

He pulled her to him, skin on skin, and kissed her. “It’s fine, we’ll take care of it in a bit.”

She fell into the kiss easily, laughing in between it. “What are we doing in the meantime?”

He chuckled as he pushed her into the mattress, “something more fun.” His lips found the spot below her ear that he knew makes her gasp. 

There was laughter and urgency this time around, rushed kisses, and frantic need to be one. Spent they laid on their backs catching their breaths. She pushed her hair out of her face giggling, “that was fun.”

He laughed as he rolled to his side to look at her, his fingers reaching for her hand. “I told you.”

She turned to look at him and smiled, this seemed so natural, so normal. But right now it was just them, what happens when they get back to reality. Are they a couple now? She finds her mind running into the rabbit hole of endless what-ifs and what-nows. 

Mac watched the change on her face, and he kissed her knuckles, “Hey, where did you go?”

She blinked away the thoughts, “nothing, the mind just wandering. Should we go tidy up before the guys are back?”

He could tell that something was bothering her, and if he had to guess it had something to do with their current relationship status. He had thought about it too, but he decided that maybe for now he wanted to stay in the bubble a bit longer. “Yea, let’s get something to snack on, you’ve taken it out of me!”

She gasped teasingly and shoved his shoulder as she rolled out of bed. Picking up his shirt and pulling her arms through it, if there were two things she was confident about, that was her hacking skills and her body. She wasn’t shy, she worked hard to keep her body in shape, she liked it and she chose to be with people who appreciated it as well. From the look in Mac’s eyes, he definitely appreciated her body in his shirt as she slowly buttoned up the shirt. “Mind if I borrow this for a while?”

“Yea, for a while, but then it’s coming off,” he grinned as he also rolled off the bed, bending to pick up his jeans not bothering with underwear, also enjoying the way her eyes swept across his body and watched him button his jeans that hung low on his hips. 

She unconsciously licked her lips, he was at her side with a step, hand falling on her hip and pulling her in for another kiss. She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Kissing him was very quickly becoming her favorite things. After a few quick pecks she pulled away from him, “ok Macgyver, let’s get to work.”

She strolled out to the kitchen, Bozer being the househusband that he was, had already put all the food away, and even filled the dishwasher. Riley gathered the stray beer bottles and put them in the glass bin. She had heard Mac open the door and figured he was checking on the fire. When she heard the door close again a couple of minutes later he was behind her plugging the speaker that had run out of charge a short while ago. 

“Fire was out,” he said, reaching for her again. “Think we’re all clear on tidying.”

“Boz did a lot before he left, I’ll have to offer to sort out dishes for breakfast.” She said looking around the kitchen. “You still want a snack?”

Mac kissed her, “mmhmm,”

She laughed, “I mean food, want me to fix you a sandwich? That much I can manage.” 

He laughed, “Yea, sounds good. I’ll help, I too know how to make a decent sandwich.” letting her go-to move towards the fridge.

Pulling out everything for sandwiches, they stood side by side spreading mayo and mustard on slices of bread. They laughed over “lettucing” and piled things on each other's sandwiches. They often did things like this at home, when they would meet in the kitchen looking for a quick meal or snack. 

Nothing felt out of the ordinary, nothing felt off. If anything it was better according to Mac, because now when Riley sat on the kitchen island, he could step between her legs, he could kiss and touch her, could carry her back to bed and peel _his_ shirt off her. He could join her in the shower after another session of being wrapped up in her, could fondly watch her brush her teeth as she rolled her eyes in the mirror, everything was new and old all at once. 

Everything felt perfect as they fell asleep in each other's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short boring chapter

Riley opened her eyes and felt the warmth that surrounded her. She smiled thinking back to the night before, her heart full and she felt giddy. She felt the stirring behind her and her body being pulled closer to his. 

“Morning,” He said nudging his nose into her neck, eyes closed. 

She sighed softly, “morning,” there was a sudden shyness, after all this was _Mac_. Sure she’d been pining for him but at the same time this was happening so fast and this was her friend that she didn’t think she had a chance with.

She felt his chuckle before she heard it, the vibration going through her, which brought her back to normal as she gave him a soft jab with her elbow. “What?” she asked laughing. 

He kissed the back of her neck then rolled on to his back, “just really nice to wake up this way.”

She switched sides to face him, reaching up to brush some hair from his face, he looked like the boyish guy who broke her out of jail all those years ago. She bit her lower lip and watched him. “Do you...do you regret it?” She didn’t know where the panic was coming from, the fear that this was one of those one and done things. Maybe it was all the beers and emotions and nothing more than that, comfort in a body. 

He turned to his side and looked her in the eye, his fingers finding hers. “Do you?” He kept his calm but his heart pounded at the possible answer, what if she realized what a mess he was and who wants to deal with that kind of baggage? It basically ruined Desi and him. 

She smiled and shook her head, “no, not all.”

“This feels right, I don’t know how to describe it.” He said lacing and unlacing their fingers, loving the way her skin felt against his own. His eyes found hers again, “but whatever you want to do next, I’ll take your lead.”

Leave it to Angus Macgyver to be a perfect gentleman. But she didn’t know what to do next, she wanted him but the reality was hitting too hard and soon for her liking. There was Desi, there was work, there was making sure they survived _this_. It wasn’t just the idea in her head anymore. She sighed and leaned forward to kiss him, she needs her mind to quiet.

He kissed her back with the same intensity as the night before, made her heart flutter and heat radiate from her soul. When they parted she pressed her forehead to his. “I’m scared Mac, I feel like once we get out of this room reality will make everything so much more complicated. There are so many factors that we need to figure out and I…” didn’t want to lose herself in him. 

Factors like Desi, and work. The thing was for Mac she was already someone so important, losing her would drive him insane whether or not they were romantically involved but of course, now there was another layer to their relationship. His mind wandered to Desi, what would she think of this? Did it matter? A part of him asked, and he found that while he didn’t want to hurt his former lover, he definitely didn’t want to mess things up with Riley. “I get it.” 

Pulling her close, he rested his chin on her hair, “let’s just stay like this for 5 minutes ok? We’ll deal with everything after that.”

She hummed in agreement, closing her eyes, she just let herself feel his fingers run up and down her arm. Listen to his heartbeat and feel the rise and fall of his chest. He was so warm and here. Fuck why was everything always so complicated?! Why hadn’t she noticed before that she wanted him?!

“Stop thinking,” he softly chuckled.

She buried her face into his neck, “I feel so stupid, how didn’t I realize that you were there all along?”

He pulled back to look down at her and smiled, “I feel even stupider, but you saw _me_ and I saw _you_ always Riles. I want this to work so much that I’m just as scared as you are. Not only cause things could end before they even have a chance to start, cause you might change your mind, but because I have a way of fucking things up pretty bad when it comes to relationships.”

She snorted as she pulled away from his embrace and sat up pointing at herself, “Hello, have you met me? Queen of fucking shit up!” and after a beat, she softly said "I won't change my mind..."

Mac followed her into a sitting position. They didn’t share I love you, but he knew for sure he did. Somehow they skipped over to this part where they had to already define what they were, but he didn’t mind. He wanted to know what they were, needed to actually. Time with people he loved just seemed to slip through his fingers like sand and he wanted to hold on to her. 

He brushed some hair behind her ear and smiled at her, her hazel eyes looked almost lost and childlike and that just made him love her more. “You mean so much to me Riley, so what do you need?”

She moved towards him, climbing onto his lap, and wrapped her arms and legs around him. “Just _us_ for a little while, every time Phoenix gets involved things end badly.” She leaned in to press a kiss to his neck, “a little while for this to be ours.”

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of that shiver running through his body. “Mhmm, yeah I definitely like this.” She trailed some more kisses up his neck.

Time to break things to Desi, time to adjust to this new them. Just time with him. She still couldn’t believe it. As stupid as it sounds, she felt like the weird chick that finally got the jock. She felt so confident in her feelings, yet insecure that it was real. She trusted Mac completely but didn’t know if she trusted herself. As much as she could schedule dates and be present, she’s never been all in like Mac had been with his girlfriends. 

She knew he was still grieving, that he had so much to work through, and she felt guilty for starting this, fuck even a few days ago he wasn't sleeping and she didn't even know that he and Desi had ended things again. Mac could read her trail of thoughts, he had the same thoughts wandering around his own. It’s one thing to admit to himself that maybe he didn’t love Desi as much as he thought or wanted to believe he did, another to admit that she was a stand-in. He never meant to hurt her, but he knew this would hurt her. But how long is long enough? He knew he had to work through his loss, that unlike in the past Riley wouldn't let him pretend everything is fine, neither would Jack. Fuck, Jack was definitely going to grill him and demand the best, which would be fair really.

“You wanna grab some breakfast?” asked Riley, brushing hair away from his eyes. 

He watched her closely, the way her eyes sparkled, the flawlessness of her skin, the curve of her lips. He was a moron for not taking a chance sooner, but maybe they needed to get to this point to make it. Friendship is the foundation of all relationships, and he unintentionally friend-zoned himself and her but maybe his heart was learning to heal so he could have her there take it all. 

He leaned in to kiss her and she met him halfway. Like she always did in all things, she was his sounding board, his back up, his end of the world ride or die. Made sense it would be Riley that his heart would wait for.

II

When both Jack and Bozer messaged on the group chat that they would be getting in a little later, Riley rolled her eyes over her toast, while Mac just chuckled. When they finally managed to untangle themselves from each other they agreed that they needed to put something in their stomachs and see where Jack and Bozer were. Riley half expected this response from the two, Bozer the best wingman a girl can ask for and she couldn’t say she was upset by this cause that meant more time with Mac.

“Guess it’s just us, whatever will we do?” Asked Riley with a smirk.

He arched his neck and kissed her, “I have so many ideas, but you wanna run away with me for a little while?” 

“Think I already kinda kidnapped you, so technically you are running away with me.” She smiled as she chewed on her toast. 

“And I’m so glad that you did. I think you kidnapping me might the best kidnapping experience to date!” He grinned, “Zero casualties, and only fun bruises and scratches.”

She blushed deep at that remark and quickly changed the subject, “where did you have in mind?”

Mac laughed at her bashfulness, it was like discovering a whole new Riley inside of the one he already loved. Again he felt that warmth at the knowledge that he gets to see her like this, to be intimate not just physically but in these almost missable moments. Though he supposed the person he was the most open and himself with was her so that part was well established. She knew almost everything about him. Telling her things always come easy, if anything he was always seeking her out to spill his thoughts, ask for her advice, hear her opinion. He’s so glad he got his head out of his ass. 

She playfully smacked his arm and rolled her eyes, “cut it out. Tell me where you want to go.”

“It’s a surprise, grab your swimsuit and that playlist of yours and meet me in the car.”

Not waiting for an answer, he stood and placed a quick kiss on her cheek and made his way to place his plate in the dishwasher. 

“Mac!” Riley whined with a smile on her lips. 

“What?” he chuckled, “I followed you no questions asked, now your turn. Get your butt to the car in 10!”

He did follow her, without question. She smiled at him, “I need a shower…”

“We can kill two birds with one stone, meet me in the shower!” he teased as he came up and wrapped his arms around her waist. 

Riley laughed as she pulled away from him, “then we’re definitely not gonna be out the door in 10!”

“We share a bathroom, remember!” Mac whined, trying to reach for her.

She shrugged and then made a run for her shower. She heard him laughing behind her and everything about this morning was making her feel so content, it was such a strange feeling. 

He attempted to get into the shower with her, but she was in and out before he could convince her, there were laughter and banter. They were out of the door 30 minutes later, leaving a note for the other half of their team. 

It was an hour and a half long drive, but it was sunny and he held her hand or brushed her hair back. Tessa Violet's "Bad Idea" played in the car. She never realized just how much Mac liked to touch until this moment. How open he was with his affections and how natural it was for them to be in this state even before last night. Things were just elevated now, he’s always found a reason to touch her, to hug her, to be near her but she always thought it was Mac being Mac but then again maybe it was simply just that. 

Being with Mac was always just easy. No pretenses, well except for that short while she was crushing hard and didn’t know what to do, they had always been pretty comfortable with each other. The kind of comfort she didn’t have with anyone else she dated. 

They arrived at Lake Hemet, gathering their backpacks that held towels, sunscreen, and water bottles, and made their way towards the water. Happy that it wasn’t as crowded as Mac thought it would be he guided her through some trees and away from the crowds of people and families. They found a spot completely secluded and a part of the lake that was just theirs. 

He took a deep breath and smiled, this was his idea of relaxing. Being in nature with one of his favorite people. The bonus is that he gets to kiss her.

“This place is great for fishing.” He simply stated. “Was supposed to come here with my dad.”

Riley looked up at him from where she was setting up her towel, she knew what that trip meant. “Yea? You wanna get some rods and go for it? Throw some bait around in his honor?”

Mac turned to look at her with awe. “You actually want to fish?” He knew that under Riley’s tough exterior she was extremely caring, she had a way of understanding the unsaid. 

Riley stood up and shrugged, “I’ve never done it but it could be fun right?”

He smiled at her so deeply, she thought even if she hated fishing, it would be worth it just for that. “We’ll come back another time, on a proper fishing trip.” 

The idea of the two of them doing something together, just the _two_ of them made her giddy. It was actually kind of stupid how gone she was. Riley mentally rolled her eyes at herself, she was being so cheesy.

Mac stole a glance at her, as she crouched down again to set up her speaker. How many times has he done this without thinking of what it meant, of why his eyes wander to her. How did his head miss this beautiful woman over and over again? He reminded himself, it didn’t matter because she was with him now and he had to make sure not to let her down. 

Riley looked up at him, “what?”

Mac nervously chuckled pushing his hair out of his face, clearing his throat he shook his head. “Nothing, just checking out the view.”

Riley smiled, she was glad she wasn’t the only one a little bit gone. She wet her lips and then stood. “Yea the view is not bad.”

His deep laugh sent heat straight to her center. Her mind raced to the way his lips moved across her body, the way her fingers gripped his hair as he moved his tongue...

“Riles?” 

She cleared her throat and looked up at him, her face heating from her mind in the gutter. Caught she looked away quickly with a smile.  
Mac smiled at her, glad that she was as affected as he was with their physical activities. Clearing his throat and pulling a semi-serious face he said, “Miss Davis, do you want to go for a swim to cool down or maybe some cold water?”

Riley gasped playfully with hands on her hips, “I'm fine thanks!” Rolling her eyes she sat down on her towel and proceeded to take her shoes off to keep busy.

He laughed and sat down next to her taking her hand and kissing the back of it. They spent the first hour talking, joking and stealing innocent kisses between Mac explaining something or other. When it finally did become unbearable to not get into the water to cool down they shed their clothes to go for a swim.

She laughed as she jumped into the water, the water wasn’t cold, but it was refreshing nonetheless. He swam towards her, arms engulfing and pulling her close. As she blinked away the water from her eyes. The gentle smile on his lips made her heart race. She could hear the soft rendition of “Die for you” by Léon playing from her speaker.

This moment was ingrained in her mind, as he leaned forward to take her lips in a heated kiss. Each brush and pull of his lips on hers set her skin on fire, not even the water around them cooled her down, the soft grunt from deep in his throat prompted her to wrap her legs tighter around his waist. Close wasn't close enough. 

“Riles…”

He said softly as he pulled away and took deep breaths, she could hear the need in his voice and god did it feel wonderful to be wanted by this man. She closed her eyes and just let herself feel his lips and tongue trace the length of her neck. Her finger tangling in his hair as a breathy moan left her. 

_“I'm losing all my senses every night  
Darlin', don't you know that I would die, I'd die for you?  
I don't wanna want somebody new  
Darlin', don't you know that I die every night for you?  
I cry for you”_

They should maybe get out of the water, maybe they should be better about taking things slower. It was years of catching up, every moment that happened in the past year, and suddenly everything left their minds. The weight of who they were, what they lost and all that they have to do. 

It was almost like possession of their bodies as they got on land and hurriedly fell into each other's arms. His fingers deftly undid her bikini top, followed by releasing her hair. Tangled and lost as lips and tongues clashed. As fingers traced and knotted together. Riley recalled for a brief moment that she looked up at the light that filtered through the leaves and the blue of Mac’s eyes as she came crashing breathlessly. The way her name spilled from his lips as he buried his head in her neck. She thought she was in trouble before, but now it was a definite thing.

Mac chuckled beside her, and she found herself smiling too before her body rocked with laughter as well. Fuck she felt amazing, why did it take so long for them to get here?! As if reading her thoughts Mac voiced the same, “how did it take us so long to figure this out?” It was something that kept repeating because like when he figures out an equation his mind goes back and forth on how and why did he miss it before? Stating the obvious as a form of punishment for being stupid. 

She sighed and rolled her neck to the side to look at him, her hazel ones meeting his vibrant blues. “I have no idea, but I’m so glad we’re finally here.”

After a beat she asked with a teasing tone, "Was this the plan all along, is that why you found this spot? To seduce me in the great outdoors."

Mac laughed, "Any excuse to seduce and be alone with you is my new motivation in life both in and outdoors."

Riley chuckled throwing a hand over her eyes, and he couldn't stop smiling. He edged forward to kiss her again. Today was definitely a great day they both decided as they laid next to each other looking up at the blue sky spent. They’ll worry about the rest tomorrow, but today was theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am so sorry it took so long. But thank you for all the love you show this story. Now the big question, should I just end it soon where they go back to their life and everything is good as they try to navigate this new them or should I continue. I just don't want to drag it on. Let me know in the comments thoughts on what you'd like to see.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be posted last Sunday but here is it. I've decided to continue this and see where it goes. 
> 
> Thank you all that are still reading and commenting. <3

  
  
  


Jack got back to find Bozer standing in the kitchen, a quizzical look on his face. It was the same look that helped him through spy school, and countless missions. He gave a low whistle to get his attention. “What’s going on man? Where are Riley and Mac?”

Bozer looked up at Jack and then down at the counter again, before lifting the paper that was left there. “Apparently they went out.”

It was kind of a thing for them to say in detail what they were doing especially given the number of times they’ve all been kidnapped. So it was highly suspicious (to Bozer) that all that was written on the paper was “Going out for a couple of hours, see you guys later.”

Jack nodded his head and squinted this eyes at the note then after a beat just shrugged. “So they went out.” 

Bozer shook his head, “But they didn’t say where and didn’t offer an invitation to join. No texts or calls.” He chased after Jack who was already shedding this t-shirt from the night before, he needed a change of clothes and a shower. 

“I mean, we did disappear on them all morning and most of the afternoon. You know how Mac is, probably got up at dawn and was screwing around.” Jack shrugged.

Bozer stopped in front of Jack’s door, “Do you think something happened? We left them alone, and those two tiptoeing around each other could’ve ended badly.”

Jack paused to consider this for a second, “Yea but then they would’ve left separate notes, right?”

Bozer folded this arms across his chest and nodded then suddenly his eyes widened, “What if they talked and actually ya know _talked…_ ” 

Jack chuckled, “Man I don’t want to know what you mean by that second “talk” but if they did and things are working out for them, then I guess Mac and I need to go for a ride later.”

“You are being way more chilled about this than I thought. You must’ve had one hell of a night.” Bozer smirked with a raised brow. 

Jacked smiled, “It was a good night, but it’s not that. Look those two mean the world to me, and if I’m being honest I’m surprised it took them this long to test the waters. I know what it means to have waited too long, to give up too quickly. I’ve missed out on a couple of great loves doing that.”

Bozer knew this, Riley’s Mom and Sarah were the two. He smiled at how much more calmer Jack seemed these days. “Yea you’re right, I mean I’ll give it a pass that Riley didn’t fall for me the way I did for her, but she and Mac make more sense.”  
Jack laughed, “yeah buddy, I’m sorry.” He picked up his towel and paused for a second in thought. “Whatever happens, we’ll make sure they feel supported and aren’t spinning out. They both have a tendency to get stuck in their heads.”

“Tell me about it…” Bozer muttered as he walked away from the bathroom door.

II

Riley closed her eyes to the breeze that flooded the car, it was late afternoon, “Satellites'' by The Satellite Station played in the car, she never realized just how much of the song felt personal, familiar even. She glanced at the man beside her, his hair ruffling with the wind, a soft smile on his lips, as his fingers drummed to the song.

Her own curved into a smile, she thanked the universe for this moment. Her eyes found the scenery once again and let herself just be in the moment for a bit longer, enjoying the comfortable silence. It was when her phone pinged that she finally let herself come back to reality. 

“Bozer and Jack are waiting for us, they want to know what the plan is for tonight. Last night.” She said, her lips pulling into a line. Last night, then back to LA, back to Phoenix, where Desi, Russ, and Matty were waiting for them. Where they would be faced with not just the challenges of their chosen life profession but also this new _them_. Matty would figure it out, if her finding out about Aubery was any indication of that woman’s abilities. 

“Hey, it’s ok,” Mac said softly, eyes finding hers for a second before turning back to the road. “We’ll figure it out, we’ll go slow.”

“Yea.” She said only half certain. The problem was she didn’t want to go slowly, she wanted to dive in completely. Past disasters kept her from jumping in. 

She let her mind wander through scenarios, she thought of what she needed and more importantly what Mac needed after everything that has happened to him. Being highly functional in a life of dysfunction shouldn’t earn them any badges, that is why they were in this situation. She knew it would catch up if they didn’t start working through them. 

She was never big on helping herself, but if she’s learned anything the past few years that they kept making the same mistakes and maybe it’s time to try something different. She let herself look at Mac again and smiled because this one had to work.

II

When Mac pulled up to the house, Jack and Bozer were sitting on the front porch. Riley took a deep breath and threw on her sunglasses even though it was about 30 minutes from sunset. She needed the extra defense, and it was good she had a thing for wearing shades.

“Welcome back,” Jack said in mock sternness. “Where have you two been?”

Riley scoffed mockingly, “don’t you think you should be giving us an explanation. Thought this was a group vacation.”

Jack flustered up quickly, “Just lost track of time, you know how it is…”

“Gross Jack, I do not need to know anything about you and your lost time!” she laughed, after all that is the same as walking in on her dad. “Where is Carla anyway?”

Jack sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, “she had to go by the cafe. But she invited over tonight, live music apparently.”

Riley caught Bozer watching her and Mac closely like he was trying to figure something out. She raised a brow at him. “How was your night Mr. Suave?”

Bozer smiled and shrugged, “you know the ladies love the Boze!”

“You guys are just gross,” Riley teased, I’m gonna jump in the shower, see ya guys in a bit.” She rushed into the house, effectively avoiding further speculations. 

Jack and Bozer both turned to Mac who stood smiling looking out around the landscape. When his scan ended on them, “What?” he asked.

“Where’d you guys disappear to?” Bozer asked, he was dying to know if anything happened or Mac was still clueless as ever.

“We went to Lake Hemet, no point in wasting a day just waiting around for you guys to get back.” he shrugged.

Bozer could tell something was different, Mac seemed almost more relaxed and there was a happy glint in his eyes he hadn’t seen in his friend for a while. Maybe it was getting away or maybe it was Riley, maybe both. But he was just happy to find his friend again. 

“I mean to be fair, a vacation should include sleeping in and not waking up at the crack of dawn,” Jack said lazily. “I have been living a rough life the last couple of years, I need the sleep.”

“Think that’s just old age…” Bozer muttered. 

Jack gasped, “Don’t beat a man down!”

Mac laughed, it felt like old times. He felt a weight being lifted off him, and suddenly that darkness that seemed to constantly be looming at the edge of his mind dissipated just a bit. He knew he needed to work through a lot of things, but he was finally starting to feel like he actually could start to address it.

II

They decided to spend their last night in town at Carla’s cafe, where they enjoyed a nice dinner and Carla’s company. Riley was actually very glad that Jack got to meet her, she liked Carla a lot, she was kind and smart. And seeing as they were only 3hrs drive away it wasn’t exactly impossible to work things out if they wanted to.

When she offered to help grab some drink from the bar, Carla smiled at her and simply said, “I’m glad you and Mac worked things out.”

Riley froze for a second and looked, to which Carla just beamed knowingly. “Oh hun, don’t worry I don’t plan on saying a word. What you guys do is your business. I just meant that you seem so much more relaxed and happier tonight.”

“We just need time to figure things out before we announce anything.” Riley said softly. “we’ve both been burnt before.”

Carla nodded, “I get it, and good for you. A solid foundation is built on trust and comfort, so take the time to build that and forget about everyone else, they have zero say in your relationship.”

Riley smiled and nodded as she grabbed the bottles, “thanks, we will.” That is exactly what she happened to do, she trusted Mac completely as her friend, as her partner on missions, with her life really but her heart was another thing, while she did, the insecurities were also ever-present and they had a lot of pieces to pick up and put away. There were challenges in any relationship, but theirs came with so many outside factors as well as a professional one. 

Right as their plates were cleared away, Carla jumped on stage to introduce the first act and welcome everyone to the live music. Jack whistled as she hopped off the stage. Riley laughed and rolled her eyes at his antics and was so grateful he was here with them. The last couple of years harder without him, without his constant banter and unyielding support. 

The first band played a cover of Hozier's "Nobody" kicking off the night with drums and soulful guitar riffs. 

Mac watched her laugh and found his own mouth curve up, she was magic, he always was drawn to Riley's laughter. He wanted to hold her hand, kiss the smile on her face and bring it into himself, but he promised her to take it slow, and so the only way he could touch her without suspicion was to ask her to dance. Not waiting for an answer he grabbed her hand pulled her to the middle of the cleared area where others were already swaying. Staying away from Riley was going to be a test of his patience.

This time dancing with Mac was a completely different experience, the tension between them wasn’t that of deflection or avoidance, but other just anticipation of when they could be alone when they could kiss each other or touch each other more intimately. Which heightened every brush of his fingers on skin, or the way he swayed with her to the music, the pressure of his hand on her waist. 

There was a sexiness to sneaking around, Riley smiled to herself. 

“What are you thinking about?” Mac asked her softly against her ear.

She shrugged, "just thinking about how much I want to kiss you."

Mac threw his head back and laughed, "me too...I was to steal you away."

Riley tried to suppress her smile, instead of pulling him closer to her, her eyes promising a more intimate dance later. 

Bozer watched his friends closely, he could tell something was different, and yet he couldn’t put his finger on it. They didn’t seem so on edge anymore and he could only think of a couple of outcomes that could lead to this, but the sexual tension was still there so he couldn’t be sure. He would have to dig deeper for more information. But he smiled at seeing them enjoying themselves. They deserved all the happiness and he wanted that for them.

The night was spent full of laughter, good music, lots of dancing, and an overall sense of ending their mini-vacation on a high note. They got back to the house and spent another hour sitting in the darkness appreciating the stars and the moment they were sharing with each other safe. Bozer was the first to call it night, followed by Jack and Carla. Riley smiled at Mac as she stood slowly, taking his finger and discreetly leading him to her room. The build of the night spilling over as they fell into bed together and finally falling asleep wrapped around each other. The anxiety of getting back to work forgotten for the time being.

II

While the weekend did its intended job of helping the team relax and then some, Riley found herself feeling even more restless than before they left. The closer they got to LA the more guilty she felt not only for Desi but also for Mac.

Mac took a couple of glances her way, they were due back at work in a couple of hours, Carla was sweet enough to send them on their way with coffee and snacks for the road. Riley played with the coffee cup in her hand. 

“You’re really quiet this morning,” He finally said. He knew that she was processing the situation, while he understood why she wanted to go slow and be sensitive to Desi, he also worried that she might talk herself out of this. The thought that she might end it even before they have a chance to really try scared the shit out of him. 

She snorted, “someone kept me awake,” with a smile on her lips she brought the coffee cup to her lips. He cleared his throat and smiled, “I don’t know, I have that feeling that you get when you have been on vacation and it's the first day back to work. I kinda wish we had a bit more time.”

He nodded his head, “yeah, I’m feeling that too. It’s weird, usually being away for a few days I start getting the itch to get back to work. But this was the first time I felt like I could’ve used a day or two more.” 

Riley looked at him thoughtfully, “maybe you need a break, like a real one.”

He spared her a quick glance before his eyes were on the road again. “I know that I need to find Leland and stop him from reviving Codex again.” As if he read her mind, “don’t worry, I’m not gonna go off the deep end, just need to finish this once and for all.”

She nodded as she tapped the lid of her cup, “I know what you mean. I want to put an end to them as well.” She also had a personal bone to pick with them, but she saw what this did to Mac first hand, what it did to him and Desi even when she thought they were going strong. 

“Isn’t it ironic that somehow no matter what our paths would have crossed?” he asked thinking that if it wasn’t him breaking her out of prison years before, he would have done it a few months ago instead. 

Riley shifted in her seat, the topic of N3mesis made her uncomfortable even now, even though they basically said they’d share the burden. It made her realize that he wasn’t the only one who needed to work through things. It was amazing how highly functioning they were with all the shit they go through on the daily and all that they have to do to survive. “Yea I guess, but I’m glad you found me then. You changed my life.”

Mac smiled as he reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips he kissed her knuckles. “And you mine. I meant it, Riles, we go at your pace, whatever you need.”

She squeezed his hand back. “Thanks, but don’t forget to think about yourself too Mac. I don’t want us to lose who we are in trying to make this work.”

Her words hit him hard, she didn’t want him to be so all in that he didn’t know when he was giving away everything. He was so used to trying to please people that sometimes he forgot that Jack, Bozer, Matty, and her, never wanted anything from him. Simply accepted him, and he had his found family.

II

They had just enough time to drop things off at the house and change clothes before they were on their way to Phoenix. Riley’s anxiety levels went up as she tried to keep herself from giving anything away, so far Jack and Bozer bought it that nothing has changed. But Matty would be the big challenge. Never mind the guilt she felt at the thought of Desi.

Jack smiled wide walking into the Phoenix, “man is it good to be home.” 

Riley smiled, “it’s nice to have you back here.”

As they neared the war room Desi and Russ waited for them. Riley felt an instant flash of guilt at seeing Desi. She felt as if with every step she took towards Mac she was betraying the other woman who was becoming a good friend. Mac and Desi’s issues aside Desi was good to her, they didn’t really get in each other’s way. 

“You must be Jack Dalton, I have heard and read much about you,” Russ said, extending a hand. Having worked with Phoenix in the past and having Matty vouch for him, he was cleared quickly to come and join the team. 

“Likewise!” he said quietly, sizing the other man up. A little too prim for Jack’s liking but he supposed he didn’t have a choice in who ran the show.

“Yes, well, very good. I wouldn’t expect any less from you.” He said letting Jack’s hand drop from the firm grip. 

Jack grinned at Desi which she returned as they hugged, “good to see you again Jack.” she said. It wasn’t lost on him how her eyes fluttered to Mac for an instant before she was smiling at him again. 

“It’s good to see you after all these years!” He said excitedly recalling the last time being at least 4 years ago. “Thanks for keeping down the fort, and keeping these hooligans safe,” he said pointing behind him with his thumb. 

“Yeah, it was my pleasure and a pain in the ass.” She said, but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. Jack gathered it had something to do with her situation with Mac. For a brief moment, there was tension so thick in the air, Jack was reminded of that one time he was in a standstill with some Colombian drug cartel runners. 

“Well let's move the pleasantries into the war room, Matty is waiting for us.” Russ chimed in as if to diffuse the awkwardness that wafted through the group. 

Matty awaited them in the war room. Her eyes beamed with emotion for a flash at seeing Jack. “Welcome back Dalton, glad to have you back in one piece. I hope you guys are well-rested because it’s time to get back to work.”


End file.
